2:00:25

Welllllll...Eliud Kipchoge ran a marathon – in 2:00:25

Amazing!

I watched some of it and felt a little let down that he didn't make it.  But really?  I didn't feel all that bad he didn't break the 2 hour marathon record because I was too excited and happy for him that he got so close.  I think three athletes showed up, took a risk, and did their best, in front of thousands of people.  Courage and strength.

I watched on twitter and I was not completely surprised by the negativity I saw there.  Many comments were positive and supportive but there was a fair share of negativity. It is what it is, as folks say often these days. And about that negativity - I see it sometimes...

Seems some folks get ruffled when other folks try new things.

Seems some folks get ruffled when other folks believe in themselves.

Seems some folks think they are the judge and jury for what is good, right and prudent.

Not me, not on this.  I don't think these amazing runners need my approval, my applause, my permission to do what they feel led to do and probably got paid a large sum to do.  Good for them. Good for their families.  Good for sports that we are always stretching further and trying harder.

In the end, to be a winner in running you only have to cross the finish line.  Just don't quit.  Its a singular sport.  A personal sport that we share with others.  You may not win first place but getting out there and doing your best makes you a winner in my book.

Sure, some folks may get ruffled that you tried something new.

Sure, some folks may get ruffled because you believe in yourself.

Sure, some folks will think they are your judge and jury and they get to decide what is good, right and prudent.

That's gonna have to be on them.

If I could have joined them I would have. I loved it. I think all great things we do draw criticism from others. Let 'em talk you down, let 'em rant and rave, let 'em throw shade...

Thank goodness for headphones!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!

To Group or Not to Group - Now THAT Is the Question!

It's me - Beginning Anew

Same ol' me but I finally changed my blog name to match my email.  Go me! It only took what, 10 years?  I'm still walking and now running - a little.  I'm still overweight but I'm gaining ground in health and fitness and I know, I will turn a corner and soon!

On my mind for quite some time is the dilemma, to group or not to group.  In fitness, in the effort to "stay in shape", "get in shape" or "be a shape other than blob shape" one question that keeps coming up for me is to join others in group effort or go it alone.  I have been working on this quest for health for several years and I have seen the scenarios play out on both sides. Some good, some bad and sure, some ugly.

Does it matter?  I think so... its actually a pretty big decision and for me, a decision I feel pretty fickle about and I'm pretty sure, when I get down to it, there ain't nothing pretty about it.  So what gives?

I started out with small efforts in a small group of one.  Well, as we all know, a group of one is great, until its not. As a solo exerciser there is no one to make me feel guilty if I don't show up, no one to suggest we walk at the one place I truly hate, no one to talk through the walk and expect me to respond even if I am barely breathing already and yeah, its all about me.  Which can be nice.  All the choices such as location, time, length of walk etc. are mine and there is no one to answer to.  Yay! Only problem is that group gets boring and lonely and discouraging.  That solo show tends to fizzle out.  The freedom to choose gives into the freedom to choose to do nothing... Yeah, group of one, the loneliest work-out group of all.

Enter semi-willing husband.  So I guilted my guy into walking with me.  He owed me and he needed it too, he just didn't want to admit it.  We went out several times a week and hoofed it around the dog park with our little fellas and they loved it.  We loved it.  But spousal work out partners can also be problematic.  When he was too busy, I wouldn't go, when he seemed unwilling, I felt discouraged. Then, when his schedule changed and he absolutely couldn't go, I fell off, for a whole year. I realized spouse work out partnership is good, but sometimes not sustainable.  

Back to the drawing board.  We have an annual, state-wide clinic in Arkansas called "Women Run Arkansas"  I had done it before and last year I decided to do it again in hopes of finding some like minded folks to join up with. All good and I did find a couple of groups and all was well.  Then I found that not all groups are created equal and the dilemma took another turn. Within the world of group running I found two distinct sub groups, the "we are friends on the road" group and the "we are a social group that runs too" group.  Side note:  I am not very good at the social thing. I am pretty much a loner with a family I hang out with for my social cup filling and runnething over... so I waded into the group waters hesitantly, watching for sharks in sheep's clothing...

I liked the looseness of the runners who did not keep tabs and did not socialize outside of running. Freedom to show up when you want to and do your thing. Freedom to miss a run or two and not feel guilt.  No obligations.  No socially challenging moments.  The down side is they do their own thing too.  If you don't run as fast as them, you run alone, which can be scary at 5 a.m. No one harasses you if you miss a run, as long as you give adequate notice, but no one holds you accountable either. Its a mixed bag.

Then I joined up with a social running group and it was really nice because you have folks that will hang back and pace with you.  You have folks that harass you a little and keep you accountable. But I find that in this group, I have to constantly be on guard that I don't fall into "people pleasing" and social pressures. There is an element of moving forward at the same pace, of committing to do the whole work out/get healthy en groupe, which is so important to some folks but not so much to me.   The bottom line, is I do this for me, for my health and I need the autonomy to come and go according to my needs and not always worry about what pace others are doing or miles they are doing, or goals they are setting.

I believe in setting goals but also listening to my body, mind and soul.  I don't want my inspiration to come totally from others, I want it to come from me.  From deep inside me.  I found in the social group I started to loose my way a little and my motivation - until I just said - NO - I cannot always make choices based on what is best for the group...I have to do what feels right for me.  I can be considerate to a point and be a group participant, so long as I can be true to myself as well. I think that is going well.  I haven't been kicked out - yet.

No one ever asked me to give up my autonomy, it is just a hazard for me, my personality, to submit to group mentality even if it doesn't feel right for me.  So I am finding I can join in some group goals and say no thank you to others.  I also have kept ties with runners from the other less social group.  I will keep going out with them as well.  Freedom to be me is important.  It is a huge part of my process.

In the end, hovering somewhere in the middle.  Every week as a walker/runner is a new week.  While I would like to be more scheduled, more dedicated, more everything, as a recovering perfectionist I have to be honest, sometimes less is more and as long as I am moving forward, I am happy with my progress.

To group or not to group?  Honestly, it depends on the day.  I'm too social to be a total loner and too independent to rely solely on a group.  As long as my feet hit the pavement though, I think I can be a fickle pickle and leave the definitive answer to the question for another day.  Some days sweet and some days sour. Variety I can live with and hopefully my groups will be kosher!

That's all ~ Thanks Y'all!

High as a Kite

I love this moment - done!

Okay, so its been a few days since I last posted.  I could count how many but zzzz - who cares.  I'm posting now and there are no rules and I want to record a moment and that is enough.  For Me anyway - I'm high as a kite.

I just walked/ran a 5k.  Again.  I have been doing 5k's since May, at least once a month and sometimes 2. But today was special (just kidding, they are all special) and I really am as high as a kite.  My problems and worries have not disappeared, my stresses have not magically erased but I am flying on a cloud of weightlessness and joy.  This is why I do it.  This is why I do it again and again.  I do it for joy.  The joy and release that comes from doing something that I couldn't do before.  From doing something that costs me so much but I pay the price solely for the pleasure of the finish.  From pounding out each step on that damn pavement and leaving every ounce of human spirit I can pull from the reserves out there on that road.

Another reward:  New PR 50:14.  I am almost to the 40's!!!  Haha - the older I get the faster I get - take that father time!

I look around.  I see other people like me who are giving it everything they have.  Some, like me, are not fast enough to be racing for a medal.  We are not in competition with the others, only with ourselves. But this is enough!  I see a dad and what appears to be an autistic son, walking, running,  holding hands, I see human spirit.  I see an African American woman, with body long and lean walking  ahead of me pulling away from me and I cannot keep up and she has probably 10 years on me and I feel her human spirit. My buddy has MS, she has bad days and believe me, I get it, and yet there she is, putting it all out there with grace and love and a huge amount of human spirit. Everywhere I look I see fighters, warriors, finishers - we get up, lace up, show up, and finish up. We are no excuses.

I ran a huge part of today's race.  Huge for me I mean - although it probably added up to half a mile. For me it was a victory.  I am coming to trust my body again.  To believe it can hold me up and sustain my speed without falling, exhausting or injuring.  I want to be a runner. I want to be lean and long and light.  Today I nudged my body and spirit one step closer.  Today I took one more wrung up the ladder. Today I impressed myself.

I have started listening to music as I go.  It has been a huge help.  I have to admit, my best pace song is Flo Rida - Right Round (terrible song - lol - but what a great beat for a beginning runner!)  But my joy song is Shackles by Mary Mary:

It sure is hot out here, ya know? I don't mind though just glad to be great Know what I'm saying!
Chorus: Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance I just wanna praise you ... I just wanna praise you ... You broke the chains now I can lift my hands And I'm gonna praise you, I'm gonna praise you!
In the corners of my mind I just can't seem to find a reason to believe That I can break free, cause you see I have been Down for so long, feel like the hope is gone, but as I lift my hands, I understand that I should praise you through my circumstance
Chorus
Everything that could go wrong All went wrong at one time So much pressure fell on me I thought I was gonna lose my mind But I know you wanna see If I will hold on through these trials But I need you to lift this load Cause I can't take anymore
Chorus
Been through the fire and the rain Bound in every kind of way But God has broken every chain So let me go right now Chorus Take them off Take them off What'cha gonna do
Chorus

I am no "Power Christian" believe me, I once went there and I found it exhausting.  I am only a simple believer and not a thumper.  But, there is a verse in the Bible that says, God inhabits the praise of his people. When I hear Shackles, I believe it.  When I am on the road, if you see me raise my hand I am praising God.  Praising that I have the strength to be there, both mentally and physically.  Praising God that even though I don't understand Him - I believe He is with me.  He didn't leave me stranded in the wilderness with shackles, wallowing in my fear.  He brought me to running club and set me in the midst of beautiful women and though not perfect, they are perfect for me.  And if they aren't perfect then I don't have to be perfect either. 

 He set me free and set my feet on a journey...and I'm gonna praise Him.  And then I'm gonna pat myself on the back and say good job, now go do it again. 

And then I must remember to  Ask Him to forgive me for Flo Rida...

That's all ~ Thanks y'all! 

To Sweat or Not To Sweat - That Is the Question

Oh boy! It is HOT in the south.  My husband and I took the dogs out for a little walk around the park and in two minutes the sweat was rolling off my face like a river.  At 7:30 the temp was still in the 90's.  Hot, Hot, HOT! 

The deal is, as a lady, I fall for the notion sweat is bad.  It can be smelly, awkward, embarrassing and uncomfortable.  It can cause all kinds of problems like chaffing and rashes.  But if I want to really be an athlete, and I do, I have to at least be comfortable and embrace this thing called sweat. 

At first this was difficult. I did feel uncomfortable.  I felt sticky and yucky and just irritable. Then I started creating more and more sweat.  I started increasing my effort and the sweat started flowing. After awhile I gave myself over to it and wow, I began to relax into the sweaty, red-faced gal that wasn't embarrassed but was proud of my sweat soaked shirt. I began to glory in a body that can cool itself and create a way to keep going even when the temperature is not so pleasant.

I bought a headband.  Who cares what my hair looks like?  I'm trying to lose the weight of an extra person that I carry around.  Who cares if the front of my shirt looks like I poured my bottled water over me?  I am trying to leave behind the bad decisions of the last 8 years.  Who cares that when I get in the car to drive home the air conditioner reveals that more of me is wet than that which is dry.  And by the way, if my car starts smelling like a locker room I could care less.  I will smile all the way to Bath and Body Works where I will purchase some really strong car deodorizer.  I don't care.

I know there are some people who hate to sweat.  We talk about this out on the road as the sting of sweat trickles into our eyes. I say, I can tell I'm working out, my eyelids are sweating.  I'm so proud. It's okay that my walking buddy doesn't like sweat.  Everyone has their limits. 

But me, I am learning to love it.  I am sooo glad I'm out there working so hard that sweat is necessary.  I'm so proud of the body that once did very little sweating and is now producing enough to keep me going.  I'm so proud I pushed through my discomfort and began to focus more on the goal than the obstacle.  There is more to come, I have not arrived.  But I have answered a burning question and I am happy about my decision. 

Am I going to give just enough effort, on nice days to perspire a little and work up a good glisten?  Heck no!  I'm going all out and if I'm lucky there won't be a dry stitch when I am done. 

To sweat or not to sweat? By all means enjoy the sweat Kimberly. You earned it!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!

Beginning Anew: Decisions, Decisions...Oh, Payday

Beginning Anew: Decisions, Decisions...Oh, Payday: The river wlk at 5:30 a.m. If you are from somewhere around my generation you may remember the commercial for the "Game of Life&quo...

Decisions, Decisions...Oh, Payday

The river wlk at 5:30 a.m.

If you are from somewhere around my generation you may remember the commercial for the "Game of Life". It went, as the title says, Decisions, Decisions...Oh, Payday. That phrase was burned in my memory forever, like a ditty.  I can't remember to take my medicine but I can remember the line from a commercial forty years ago. Oh age, how you tease us.

So the premise of the game is that you spin the wheel, you land on a square and you either get good news or bad news.  Along the way you are faced with some important life decisions.  Marry or not, go to college or not.  I don't think children are a choice but rather a square you land on and depending on your view, you are either rewarded or doomed with kids.  (Of course if they recreated  the game today they would make children an option so as to remain politically correct). Anyway, like life it is supposed to represent that some stuff just happens and some stuff is based on decisions.  I used to love this game.

I have come to understand that in the pursuit of better health, the "game" is pretty much the same. I may not be spinning the wheel, but I do find, some stuff just happens and some stuff is based on decisions.  In the actual board game the decision part is minimized and the stuff happens part is like 90% of the game.  In my real game of life, it is probably more 50/50.  In my health choices in particular it is almost all about decisions. I.E. its in my control.  I like control. 

It occurred to me the other day that each decision I make (or ignore) is going for me or against me.  It really does come down to decisions. The choice to rearrange my life completely and put exercise at the top of the list was a big decision.  The decision to process all the veggies from our weekly farmer, food share and plan healthy, light meals is a decision.  The decision to sit on the couch and wish I had done those things, that too is a decision. I try really hard not to make that decision very often. But good or bad, it does come down to all those decisions...yes, each one. Truth is, my pursuit of better health all started with some really small, obscure decisions.  They were just little blips on the radar but they helped me find my path.

I first decided I wanted to feel better.  That was easy enough. No brainer.  That led to, well I guess I need to eat better.  That was followed by I guess I need to drink more water. That was just one step before, better get some exercise.  They were little steps and I have certainly failed as many as I have succeeded and more.   They were ambiguous thoughts almost more than decisions.  However over time that has changed.

The more serious I have become, the more tangible my decisions, my goals and my actions have become.  Its a deliberate, methodical, process now and I see clearly my goals, the decisions I need to reach those goals and the hurdles I must cross to make successful decisions.  One surprising hurdle, not everyone will be able to applaud my decisions or my successes.  How I deal with that? Yes, that too is a decision!!!

Lets face it, a woman who knows her mind, pursues her goals, who is driven and independent is not always popular. I struggle with this.  I want to be the most ferocious me I can be.  Attack life with full force but sometimes I find myself feeling the need to apologize for being me. Yuck. All I can say to that is this:

 "I'm sorry if the good in my life, the toughness in me, the success I earn make you uncomfortable.  Every decision has come with a price tag, both good and bad decisions have cost me something. If you think I feel like I'm better than you because I'm making good decisions you are WRONG, I feel better than the girl I was when I was sitting on my ass eating chips.  If you think I take for granted the blessings I have received along the way, again you are wrong. We all land on some good squares and some bad.  I have had my share of both.

This is not about anyone but me.  I am not superior nor do I strive to be superior to anyone.  This is my lane, my race, and in this race we all get a medal - and we decide if it will be the bronze, gold or plastic one.  I cannot apologize for my success anymore than I can apologize for my existence. Yes, I'm sorry my success makes you uncomfortable.  You may think I don't deserve it.  You may think wrong or who knows, maybe you are right.  Bottom line, my decisions, my life, my success or failure is on my side of the street and I own it.  You want to make improvements on your side of the street - you have just as much opportunity to do so.  I will even cheer you on. But I will not apologize for being me.  For being the best me I can be. So if you are waiting on that - hang it up baby, it ain't-a-happenin."

I just needed to say that. Sometimes the dialogue in my head tells me I don't deserve this. Sometimes I am tempted to believe that. I just want to squash that voice. I have to squash that voice.  I have to turn down the volume of the naysayers so I can clearly hear my cheerleaders.  The cheerleaders tell me I am making good decisions.  The cheerleaders tell me I can do more.  The cheerleaders tell me they are proud of me and keep encouraging me to make good decisions, decisions that help me grow and be the best I can be. 

As I have become more clear, more concise, more determined, I am seeing, it is all about the decisions. The decisions to take action, and the decision to put blinders on to the negative energy in my life.  The women I see on the road who are successful are not the kind of women who let others hold them back, including not letting themselves hold them back. If they did, they would not be out there pounding the pavement.  Like the old me, they would be sitting on the couch with a bag of chips. I can't be her anymore.

Decisions, Decisions....and yes, Payday!  I'll take the gold medal payday please and thank you!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all! 

Helpless to Hopeful to Singing in the Shower

I usually write my posts for me.  Recording my journey, thinking some others may identify but even if they don't, I enjoy recording my thoughts, feelings, actions, and I just enjoy writing.

Tonight I'm going out on a limb and writing for "the others". Those who haven't started their journey, have only just begun or have the very same issues I have about sustaining what they have started.

I just want to say, there is hope.

Its really very simple, requiring very few words. 

When I was at the lowest point, eating a bag of chips and some very fattening dip, watching law and order reruns, thinking I deserved every hurdle that was thrown in my path, I felt helpless.  I felt like life was happening TO me. It was all out of my control.  I was out of control. I had no hope of anything ever being good again.  Well maybe a tiny speck but not enough to matter. Not enough to make me put down the chips.

Every time I start to exercise and sincerely, and totally, and honestly begin to pursue my health through diet and exercise, I begin to feel hopeful.  I can look in the mirror and have a sinking feeling that overwhelms me but one mile into a three mile walk and the image of me sitting on that red couch eating chips dissipates.  Exercise drives out helplessness.  If you are out there walking, even a mile, you are clearly, not HELPLESS!  PROOF! VALIDATION!

Once you knit a few walks together and start to see a pattern that funny little thing called hope begins to truly penetrate the fog!  Hope of change grows with every mile you log.  Just start with one and do one until you get sick of one and then do two!  Eventually you will get bored with two and then do three! That my friend is a 5k!  Find one online!  Type in 5k and your state - they are everywhere and usually the money benefits good causes!

The running community will embrace even the walkers if you get out there and hustle.  And they will inspire you!  Many of them were once just like you!  Not even kidding.  If the walk/run thing is not your thing...find some thing, any thing - just do a thing!  and keep doing it, and doing it  and yep, doing it!

One morning this week I rolled out of bed at 4:30 - Yes A.M.  A little before 5:00 a.m. I was on the road.  At 5:15 I was walking 3.5 miles with a couple of cool ladies.  When I was finished, I was elated.  I am starting to feel a habit forming.  A good habit that has nothing to do with those freakin chips.  I bubbled home and got in the shower.  I was singing out loud, "in the jungle, the mighty jungle, a lion sleeps tonight" and it was not pretty but it was beautiful.  Do you know how many helpless moments it has been since I sang anything, especially in the shower. Many. 

Nike was brilliant in their campaign and I love them for it.  JUST DO IT!  anything, something, knit, knot and glue a few days of IT together and you might find yourself feeling hopeful.  Keep it going for a couple of months and before you know it ( fat and all) you might just be singing in the shower!

That's all ~ Thanks Y'all!!!!!!!!

No Holding Back

I put in four miles on Sunday morning.  Four miles.  For me - this is so satisfying.  Getting stronger, and it is getting easier.  I have more energy and I'm feeling a sense of well being as well as purpose.  So - all together - starting the run/walk clinic that has now bubbled over into continued exercise with a group - has the potential to become a life changer for me.  I am feeling more and more sure of my commitment and barring any unforeseen illness or problem, my plan is to continue and then to continue to continue.  I see only the possibilities ahead. 

However, I want to put some thinking out there to keep it from rolling around in my head and maybe someone else has felt the same things.

Number one:  There is a moat you must cross to get to the castle. The very first challenge for me was how to get from zero to hero.  It seems these first few months are the make or break.  Maybe there are other make or break moments later but I can't think on that now. From I can hardly walk a mile and when I do I feel miserable to hey I just finished three miles but lets do one more for grins was a physical, mental, emotional battle that questioned my will power, my resolve, my character, my tenacity.  I could go on and on but that was already a run-on sentence.   Point being, you want to change your life for the better - get to the castle - then get ready to swim the moat and face the alligators because it ain't gonna be easy.  One walk at a time.  I just kept showing up.  That's all.  I faced down the pain, discomfort, fear, dread by showing up.  Doing my best and showing up again.  The only way to fail is to quit.  I had the benefit of knowing I had done it before and belief that I could do it again but it was still tough.  It seems the getting started and sticking with it is the hardest part. No holding back.

Number two: It helps if you join the pack but yo momma aint' out there. Yep, I said it. I have learned real quick two things about the running culture.  The first thing is - it is great to have companionship and the second thing is - you are still on your own.  I knew when walking clinic ended and my efforts started to spill over into these running groups that I would have some things to learn.  Boy was I right!  I have learned that I am much more motivated, more inclined to show up, more inclined to push myself and I have more fun when I go with the group.  It is so much better than going alone.  Having someone else witness my success and cheer for me is a total warm fuzzy and I am cheering for them too - WIN/WIN! 

But, and this is a big ol' but, (that's why I made it bigger ;) I am still alone.  I cannot lean on the others, expect them to wait on me, hold my hand, provide my motivation, encourage my performance - why - probably because they are using their energy to build those positives for themselves.  If it happens it is gravy and it does happen.  However, it is still a solo sport.  Some days there is someone to walk with and that is a good, friendly, encouraging walk. I enjoy that kind of walk.

Some days I will be alone and that is a day for focus, endurance, setting personal goals and remembering, though I am part of a group and these folks are cheering for me I cannot let my aloneness hold me back, I must let it push me forward  and I would be doing them a disservice to hold them back.  We cheer for each other to do our personal best.  If we pace about the same - enjoy the companionship.  If, like Sunday, I find myself alone at the back of the pack, I still hold nothing back and I encourage the others to hold nothing back. I learn and embrace that though I am a part of a team, I alone am responsible for my performance. I enjoy this walk as well. No Holding Back!

Number three:  Just because I'm exercising regularly doesn't mean I can eat cheeseburgers and still lose weight.  I haven't talked about my eating recently and that's probably because I haven't been thinking about it so much.  I have been rolling along making plans for my next outing and haven't taken much time for preparing healthy meals.  I'm not eating terrible but I'm not eating as healthy as I should and I have been allowing myself some extra carbs thinking that all that walking will burn them off. But I already know this and I have proven it to myself again, and again, you can not outrun a bad diet.  All the walking in the world will not help me lose weight if I don't watch the calories.  So, time to start focusing again on diet and keeping a realistic amount of calories.  Now is not the time to be playing games with my eating.  I have to focus and do the work to put healthy, fueling foods in to get the best results.  No holding back!

If I could bottle all these thoughts and knowledge and sell it as a weight loss, healthy life buy back potion, I could be a millionaire.  The truth is, it is work.  But I believe it is fun work. It is also solo work, even when you are in the midst of lovely, motivated, encouraging people. 

A good mental attitude and occasional reality check are the keys for me.  I swam the moat, I'm in the castle, I'm training to be a warrior and I am being given new and useful weapons.  Now its up to me. I want to learn to use my tools, my weapons and keep fighting the fight. I don't want to hold any other warriors back or take anything away from them.  I don't want to sabotage my efforts by indulging too much and too often. There is glory ahead and many more victories but I must be willing to do the work.

No holding back!

That's all ~ thanks y'all!

Climb Every Mountain and Kick the Trolls in the Teeth

I really don't like that song in Sound of Music, You know the one declared, "Most Likely to put every 80's graduation attendee to sleep"...yes...the infamous...Climb Every Mountain.  I love Sound of Music but when that song comes on I usually fast forward.  I kind of detest it.  It's boring.  I'm sorry.  It's as dull to me as watching grass grow. Same with that goofy song the cowardly lion sings in Wizard of Oz...If I were King of the Forest...zzzz....zzzz.....zzzzz.  They are buzz kills for me.  Going along, enjoying the drama, and bam - the dry, gritty, boring truth of reality drawn out for five minutes of yawning solo.  I know not everyone will agree and that's okay - it's only my opinion, everyone welcome to their own.

However, no matter how I feel about the song, the message is pretty darn good.  Climb it, Cross it, Follow it until you find your dream. In case you forgot...

Climb every mountain,
Search high and low,
Follow every byway,
Every path you know.

Climb every mountain,
Ford every stream,
Follow every rainbow,
'Till you find your dream.

A dream that will need
All the love you can give,
Every day of your life
For as long as you live.

Repeat

So my thinking is life is like this.  We are all full of purpose and gumption and ready, set, go, then we hit the pocket of average, day in - day out, just the regular life stuff and it can seem dull.  Speed-Bump.  So while I am waiting for the next 5K, the next buddy walk, the next challenge, maybe I should spend a minute with this epic if not monotone song and see if I can figure out why, while hiking, it came to mind.  (This happens often when I'm out exercising.  Songs, movies, blog ideas - pop into my head).

So here is what I get from ... Climb Every Mountain

Climb.  Why climb?  Well if I have learned one thing, it's this, 3 miles at 19 minutes a mile, will not get easier until I start to tackle 4 miles or 3 miles at 18 minutes.  Meaning, if I just keep doing the 3 miles, status quo, it will keep me right where I am.  I have proved this over and over.  Do that 4 miles a few times and 3 miles seems like a piece of cake. 

Climb because to stay where I am is to become stagnate.

Climb because it moves me up, it elevates my performance.

Climb because it stretches me. Got it, Climb!

Every.  Oh boy, what is every? every is every....As we know, as I know, there are short cuts I try to take, there are avoidance moments, but if I want to keep up the good work, I better be set on every.  Once I start picking and choosing mountains, I start slipping backward. (Not to say we can be perfect, I know I have limits and I have to be realistic.  So I get it, every is about climbing every mountain I possibly can - I can live with that) Don't beat myself up but don't let myself down.  Every, within reason, Every.

Every effort counts!
Every victory makes me stronger!
Got it, Every!

Mountain, What is a mountain?  Mine...a bad day at work, not enough sleep the night before, leg cramps, other cramps, time challenge, packing work out clothes for an after work walk, packing work clothes for working after morning walk. Not enough determination.  Fear of the next challenge.  Rain. And why are they mountains?  Because they are big, they loom over me, intimidate me, challenge me. Mountains, easy to identify, difficult to tackle, immovable obstacle that I cannot go around and must learn to conquer.  Mountains I get. 

Then there are Trolls. Wait, Reverend Mother didn't say anything about trolls.  I know, but I'm adding those in because they lurk at the base of those mountains. Trolls are those crazy, toxic thoughts, people, excuses, feelings that seem to know just how to scare me away from the mountain before I ever get there. I just have to give those trolls a karate kick in the teeth, hypothetically speaking of course.  Knock them back a step or two and carry on!

Quickly closing...my husband and I went out for a hike on our Memorial Day weekend outing. We went on a new trail in a park we had visited once before.  We set off to climb the hiking trail that boasted a 300 ft elevation change.  It was here I became aware of those Climb Every Mountain lyrics rolling around in my thoughts.  It was a 3 mile hike that took every minute of two hours.  It was difficult and for me, quite a challenge but the scenery was beautiful. Little streams and beautiful lush canopy were everywhere.  Reminding me, there is a reward for climbing.  Sometimes the bigger the mountain, the bigger the reward. But no matter what the reward, big or small the best reward of all is the satisfaction of knowing I'm doing it.  I'm moving and moving some more. 

I almost missed my Thursday evening walk, a long dreadful day at work and frustrating circumstances beyond my control but in the end, I knocked the troll off my path and carried on with my plans.  Had a great walk! 

So when things get dull, I can use that time to prepare mentally, physically, emotionally for the challenges ahead.  And even if I've heard the message a hundred times it bears repeating.  Climb Every Mountain.  Repeating again, Climb Every Mountain!!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!

No One Puts Baby in the Corner

I recently did my first 5k of 2016.  It has been a year since my last one and I have done little to stay in shape so I had to start over.  That's the way it seems to go at 51, like they say - if you don't use it you lose it.  Well I lost it big time.  It was tough getting back in the groove.  I signed up for a run/walk clinic because I know almost no one around here, and certainly no one to walk with and my husband and I are on completely different schedules. It turns out it was the best thing I could have done.

I have always been a bit of a loner.  Basic social skills I get, have those, but the intricacies of female friendships, especially groups, have always left me a bit befuddled. When I was younger I could just hang with the guys but as a 51 year old, married grandmother (MiMi - because grandmother sounds sooo old) I can't do that so much.  I have been trying to cultivate some female friends but I swear, I need a guidebook, I am so not good at it. But I'm trying.

Run/Walk clinic meets two days a week and you get a third walk or run in on your own on an off day. I set off to do this thing. Did I mention its a women's deal?  I mean some women bring their husbands, probably women like me who feel totally inadequate when dealing with other females, but mostly it is just women. We go for 10 weeks, adding distance each week.  That first week, that one mile, it was brutal! The culmination of the 10 weeks hard work is a huge 5k event where women from all over the state who have been attending clinics come together and slay the 3+ miles. 

The big day arrives, I'm pumped, ready to do my 19 minute mile with gusto (no snickering, I'm just getting started).  I have, to my credit, managed to find three other women who are at roughly the same pace and I have managed not to piss them off yet. Of course there is still time.   So we head off at the start and we are all hanging pretty close together but you know, walking and running are personal sports and people are gonna wanna get their best time, and the group starts to disseminate. You can guess who's last...One by one I see my peeps take off, determined and fiery, these gals are giving it all they have.  As we see the finish line in all its glory looming in the distance, beckoning us with its promise of personal victory, honor, and pride my girls are 50, 30, 20 feet ahead of me. 

And it happens.  That magical moment when you forget all the reasons you can't and you begin to envision all the reasons you CAN!  And what pops into my head?  Dirty Dancing? Huh?  Yep!  P. Swayze - in Technicolor - "No one puts baby in the corner".  And just like that, I had my mantra.  I started repeating it over and over. I determined in my mind that come hell or high-water (one of those cute southern phrases) I was going to leave it all out there on the city streets.  I started to pour it on.  I was almost in tears as I crossed the finish line with "No one puts baby in the corner" rolling on replay through my head.  I caught them, just barely at the finish line.  It was a beautiful moment. It was my happiest moment in a very long time.

The kicker?  When I was repeating my mantra it wasn't me telling those women, "No one puts baby in the corner", it was me telling me.  It was active healthy Kimberly shouting down, the other Kimberly, the one who has been down, sad, and feeling old.  I was telling me, enough is enough. 
It was me telling every bad circumstance, bad boss, every thing that ever made me question myself, back off - you can't have me, control me, use up the good in me. 

Now a month after the 5k I have two more 5ks planned.  I have a half marathon relay planned for the fall.  I am trying out different times and groups and trying to find my people and my place to keep walking maybe running a little.  I am trying to plug in with people who are serious about keeping it going.  I made a board in my garage for my future medals...

 

We don't always feel in control of our lives.  There are often circumstances we just have to ride out and wait on better days.  My health, my eating, my exercise - these are in my control.  My performance?  Oh yeah, it's all up to me.  

When I am out there on the road, clocking those miles, I can hold back or give it my all.  It's up to me. 

No one puts baby in the corner... unless she lets them. 

That's all ~ Thanks Y'all!

The Tragical Magical Resolve Dissolve

Resolve ...

resolve

play

verb re·solve \ri-ˈzälv, -ˈzȯlv also -ˈzäv or -ˈzȯv\

Popularity: Top 10% of words

Simple Definition of resolve

• : to find an answer or solution to (something) : to settle or solve (something)
• : to make a definite and serious decision to do something
• : to make a formal decision about something usually by a vote

 

Let's start with the second definition; to make a definite and serious decision to do SOMETHING. 

 

Thursday I "resolved" to go walking with my new walking buddies after work.  My commitment was semi-permanent, meaning I felt pretty sure of my decision and thought I had about a 95% chance of following through.  But as each buddy began to fall off through the afternoon with sickness, sick loved ones, surgery pain, meetings,  and all those things that life throws at us, pretty soon my resolve began to waver. It was down to just two of us and one of two had already done some walking at the gym.  It was so easy to bow out and say okay - lets go for Monday. ( I let that 5% of doubt win)

 

Today, I resolved to see if any of the group wanted to walk tonight after work.  No one was available.  So I resolved to get on the treadmill when I got home.  RESOLVE SET GO! I set off for the drive home.

 

My hubby works nights so as I am driving home - he is driving to work - we try to talk on the phone during our mutual 20 minute drives which ironically go in opposite directions.  I tell him of my resolve and laugh as I add, if my resolve doesn't dissolve.  I admit to him, if the magical 20 minute melt down between how sure I feel when I leave work changes into how tired I feel when I get home, my resolve will go "POOF" and there will be no walking on the treadmill.  

 

So my question, what is it about the drive home, the long day, the lack of buddy support that changes all that resolve into that melted puddle of dissolve?    Back to the definition - item one; to find an answer or solution to (something): to settle or solve (something)

 

I need to resolve the problem with my resolve. I'm gonna go with that post I wrote a few days back...feelings, nothing more than feelings. Feelings are where the problem begins and ends.

 

Here it is in the nutshell of all that is tragic magic, If I base my decision on my feelings - right now - where I am in my life and this journey back to health - my feelings will not support my resolve.  It really is that simple.  I have to base my resolve on facts. 

 

Bingo.  I'm trying.  I don't want that magical, tragical journey home every day to kill my resolve.  I want victory and success and I'm not going to find those top notch rewards at the bottom of the feeling pile. If I watch my resolve dissolve because my bad day, my bad mood, my bad physical condition, then I am just cheating myself.

 

So - the new resolve, keep basing the decision to exercise and eat healthy on fact.  I'm overweight, I have type 2 diabetes, I have worked hard to be able to walk three miles again, all these reasons and more are fact only.  They require no real thought, only real action.  Its what separates the men from the boys, the brave from the fearful, the resolve from the dissolve.

 

That's all I have for today.  Do the next right thing.  That's my resolve.

 

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!  

The Problem with Perfection, Confessions of a Perfect Perfectionist

ohhhhhhhh - if anyone reads this today I may step on some toes!  I know I'm gonna step on my own and believe me, it's gonna hurt. Jumping right in!

Two kinds of perfectionist I've noticed, the perfectionist of wavering self esteem who is one day full of bravado thinking they are hot, fine, foxy, cool ..you get it, and the next day thinks they are garbage. Then the perfectionist who truly believes their own press and thinks they are awesomeness daily and seldom wavers.  I'm going to address the first because that's where I used to live.

Recently I was contemplating how a skinny little country girl who used to be a warrior of a woman got so damn fat.  I realized there was a moment I had never really addressed or given much thought to and it came flooding back.... In my thirties, I saw my first cellulite.

I used to have pretty nice legs.  Which was good because I have and had a really flat butt.  So it balanced out and I knew, you can't have it all so I was content that at least I had good gams and I enjoyed them like a macho guy enjoys his biceps.  Just being honest.  Sidebar - I think it is good to take pleasure in the beauty of our bodies.  I just don't think we need to get carried away with appearance - just my thoughts.  Balance it with being a good person too. But bodies are beautiful - at least mine used to be, I don't really find it so right now - working on that!

Anyway, when I saw that cellulite the planets shifted and I now realize why. Kimberly the perfectionist could not stand that with all her hard work over the years to stay trim and fit she was still gonna have cellulite - just like everyone else.  The perfectionist in me threw up her hands!  Of course that wasn't the only thing that happened to turn me around but it was the perfectionist in me that gave up.  She threw a hissy fit and stormed off with a bag of Cheetos. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Perfectionism will do that to you, it will lead you down a dark path and turn on you like the vicious creature it is.  This is a cautionary tale, don't trust the perfectionist side of you to sustain you when times get tough.  It will not and can not because it is an illusion of something that is unobtainable!

I used to worry when I went out with my husband if there were women that were prettier than me would he be more attracted to them than me.  I can't even worry about that anymore (not to mention that was a terrible unhealthy burden - because I have learned, yes there will always be those who are prettier, those who aren't and what really matters is just being me.  So being overweight has taught me some life lessons for which I am grateful.) Now I go out and worry that I am going to be the heaviest person in the room.  Oh that is a painful one!  But I'm learning not to go there either.  Just stay in your lane Kimberly, stay in your lane.

Perfectionism is catchy too, like a virus or a fungus.  I used to tell my daughters when they were struggling with some issue they couldn't control that we don't get to be perfect.  I should have applied this advice to me.  Because the problem with perfection is that it will NEVER happen. You will spread your perfection germs to all those around you. No one will escape and in the process, you will rip your heart out trying to be perfect.  You will miss all your blessings, all your most wonderful attributes if your goal is perfection.  You will never be good enough and neither will anyone else.

My second daughter often comes to me to talk out her troubles and one day I realized why she kept having "bad days".  She was setting herself up with all these expectations of what a good day looked like (perfect) and as soon as some little something tipped the scale the wrong way, her day was ruined.  So I challenged her to just have a mediocre day.  We laugh now and it is a very strong, inside joke between two perfectionists as we continue to challenge each other to just have a mediocre day.  Doesn't mean we won't do our best, as perfectionists this is always a given, It just means we let our day off the hook - it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be balanced. 

There is gonna be some good and bad.  You may have some great gams but you are gonna have some cellulite, or varicose veins.  You may be fit and trim but you are gonna have an imperfect body, why?  Because we don't get to be perfect. 

I've been out living my life.  Preparing for  the "Women Run/Walk Arkansas" 5k.  I have put 10 weeks in, walked the first 5k of 2016 and met some hard working women that have banded together and I have the privilege to band and bond with them.  I'm not going for perfect.  I'm not worried about cellulite.  I'm working toward being fit and healthy and being proud of myself, by taking pride in my body, taking pride in my mind, being satisfied with I gave it my all and that's good enough for me. 

Screw perfection - I am good enough without it!

Me on the right in the pink...I left it ALL out there!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!

Feelings...Nothing More Than Feelings

Feelings Lyrics

Morris Albert

 

Translation in progress. Please wait...

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl;
You'll Never Come Again.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
Wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.

Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you
And feelings like i've never have you
Again in my heart.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl;
You'll never come again.

Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you
And feelings like i've never have you
Again in my life.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
Wo-o-o, feelings again in my arms.

Feelings...

(repeat & fade)

repeat and fade and fade and fade.....

Feelings - wo-o-o feelings.... does anyone besides me remember this sappy song from what was it?  The seventies, the eighties?  I don't know - its just sappy as can be. All about a man who has lost all reason and turned himself over completely to his Feelings. 

If the devil is in the detail the failure is in the feelings.

And this will be brief. 

There are two kimberlys  - one who makes decisions based on fact and one who makes decisions based on feelings. I started to title this Kimberly squared but that means to multiply the two of us.  But you can't multiply these two ingredients, they won't multiply because like oil and water they won't even add well.

If I wait until I feel like getting on the treadmill, go for a walk, or eat healthy - that will happen "once in a blue moon" as us country folks say.  But...if I go with the facts, I will be more likely to stay realistic, watch the scales, tune into what my physical feelings tell me - those are more reliable - eat well - feel good, exercise - feel good but its not an emotional feeling (although that is a bonus)  it is a physical feeling and it is based in fact.

Just telling it like it really is.  Base this journey on fact and I will reap the feelings both the tangible physical feelings as well as the elusive emotional feelings. The highs that come from eating well and exercising are so much more dependable than waiting on all the emotions to line up. 

Feelings, nothing more from feelings, save them for sappy movies and keep the health stuff based in fact.   Just the facts ma'am, just the facts....Hey Kimberly #1, I'm talking to you!

That's all ~ Thanks Y'all!!

 

FOMO

New Compression Socks

As a mom of four I have to admit, some perks of motherhood are totally steeped in the selfish, self interest of staying relevant in this ever changing world. A world that keeps rolling up my odometer, while producing younger, cuter versions of me.  I shamelessly exploit my children for my own fountain of youthful relevance, by stealing fashion ideas from them, ( Just little ones) listening to their music (some of it) and eavesdropping (JK - I always butt in) on their conversations so I can keep up with the latest phrases and words of this generation. I don't always use these phrases, but I want to keep up to date so I at least understand them. 

I do try out the new lingo sometimes and some of it is good, descriptive and fun but sometimes a mom is gonna get it wrong.  If I go off track it typically brings down the house with laughter, such as at Christmas when meaning to say "On Fleek" which means to be on point, I said "On Fleck" and they roared with laughter.  I laughed too and continued to misuse the phrase all weekend just to hear them cackle.

Recently one of my daughters educated me in FOMO.  Apparently there is a new social anxiety that has popped up due mostly to social media, Fear Of Missing Out. I had never heard this acronym before.

        

Fomo

| fōmō |

noun

a state of mental or emotional strain caused by the fear of missing out.

• Evolutionary biology - an omnipresent anxiety brought on by our cognitive ability to recognize potential opportunities: The brothers had last-slice fomo as they stared at what was left of pizza.

• (with subject) desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.

• A form of social anxiety - a compulsive concern that one might miss an opportunity or satisfying event, often aroused by posts seen on social media websites.

ORIGIN: acronym from FEAR OF MISSING OUT

 

(Credit to Urban Dictionary.)

 

When I look at FaceBook or Instagram, I do not experience FOMO.  My friends and family do something fun?  Good for them.  A friend goes to dinner with another friend and I am not invited, no problem, it doesn't cost me anything. I can ask them to dinner anytime I want to and probably one of them will invite me next time anyway.  I'm also mature enough to know that what is on FaceBook is just the highlight of their lives.  There are always two sides. People usually just put the extreme good or bad out there. Also, I am for the most part, not an envious person. However, I do realize when it comes to my weight, to my physical abilities I have a terrible fear of missing out.  

 

My FOMO is not based on an emotional anxiety, it is based on fact of practical truth. A fact I knew nothing about when I was slim and trim at 35, still able to do a "toe-touch" on the trampoline.  It wasn't until my weight started climbing that I started realizing, to be heavy is to carry those extra pounds around like a suitcase full of rocks. Or two suitcases.  Being overweight limits me. I have trouble keeping up, it's like going through life in a pit of miry clay.

And here is the catch - the only way out of the pit is one big girl step at a time. 

I don't want to miss out.  I don't want to lag behind and I don't want to feel tired and worn out the rest of my life.  This weekend I got out, I pushed myself, I planned my weekend around physical activity. Below are the things I didn't miss out on. (Not pictured, me putting mulch in the flower beds).



Run/walk clinic Thursday night

 

Beautiful creek on Saturday morning hike

 

 

Beautiful lake on Saturday morning hike.

Working on container gardening...

Heading to the dog park with hubby and puppies
 

 

I don't want to miss out.  I'm am working on not missing out.  I have a very real picture of my future if I do not make these changes I have been working on - it is a life that keeps getting smaller as I get bigger, pound by pound. I am using my FOMO as motivation to push me forward to help me over the hurdles and out of the mire. I bought compression socks (see pic at top of page) and will write about those later.  The point is - I'm working, I'm doing, I'm improving.

If FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out - I am looking for a new acronym,
JOKU - Joy Of Keeping UP.  Now that's On Fleck!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!

 

Roadkill and the Butterfly

I live in the country.  In a little town of about 2,000 folks. You see nature in all its glory and gory in the country.  In the springtime especially, you get your share of gory - gory road kill.  Mostly opossum, skunk, and armadillo but occasionally a squirrel, raccoon or free range yard bird (chicken) will end up - dead side up.  Sad but true.

Driving "across town" the other day I saw a strange thing, a butterfly landed on a roadkill.  I can't say I have never seen this before but if I have it has never registered the way it did on this day.  Lovely spring day, sun shining, trees blooming kind of beautiful day we have here in the south. Beautiful little butterfly and it landed right there on that very nasty, decaying carcass.  Too much?  sorry....but there is a point.

It caused me to think, and think and think. Why would a butterfly want to land on something way past its expiration.  I'm sure there is a reason and if you know, please enlighten me, but for all purpose of common sense I couldn't figure it out. I spent way too much time pondering it I suppose because it stuck in my head.

Eventually this curiosity came full circle into my life experience and made me wonder; Why am I drawn to ugliness? More specifically, what draws me to eat foods that I know for a fact are unhealthy?  Chips loaded with artificial ingredients, tons of bad fats, layered with salty fake spices? What draws me to packaged foods with ingredient names I cannot even pronounce? I realize there really is no correlation between that and the butterfly but it just made me think about my own strange habits.

Our beautiful bodies, so offended by chemicals and scientifically altered food stuff is just as obscene, just as bizarre, just as strange to think about.  (And no, I'm not promoting vegan - although I think it is a perfect match for some folks)

If we eat from the beauty of nature, the robust colors of the garden, the lettuces, the fruits, the flowers how much more in tune we are with nature and how much more simple is our body's make up?

I'm going to ponder this for awhile.  It is a strange thing to see something in nature that seems unnatural. Most of nature makes sense to me. I grew up there, I live there, I get it.  This does not make sense, not for the butterfly or for me.

I'm trying to eat only beautiful things today and drink cool, clear water.  Awww...that's better. Better than landing on roadkill.

That's all ~ Thanks y'all

brag·ga·do·cious

1. brag·ga·do·cious
   [ˌbraɡəˈdō(t)SHəs]
   
   

   ADJECTIVE

   
   

   1. informal

      US

      
      

      boastful or arrogant:

      "it sounds braggadocious, but I don't think I ever dropped a pass in a game" ·
       

   
   

    

Don't be a bragger...ever hear something like that from your parent?  I don't remember exactly how it was spelled out in my parents home but bragging was not allowed. I grew up quietly realizing that goals and accomplishments were a personal victory and it wasn't necessary to share in large overtures of information.   In our home now we allow a certain about of "bragging" from our four grown children but it comes in the form of telling us about their latest accomplishments and life goals not in the form of a braggadocious attitude. I revel in their accomplishments! Their successes are our family's successes.  I count each good thing that happens to my children, whether earned or randomly blessed, to be a family victory.  I'm good with this kind of bragging.

However, in my day to day life, I know more than one person that likes to REALLY brag.  People that think they know everything, when they clearly don't. (I find that people who truly know a lot tend to keep quiet about it - ironically)  People that drop names of every important person they ever met or came into close contact with.  It's off-putting - irritating and for me its just a total relationship blocker. I prefer to be with people who are a little less arrogant, a little more humble and it feels like to me, a little more real. When I feel myself engaging and becoming competitive with others and trying to "out-do" them - I try to reign it in - I don't want to be like that!

Now having said all that - I just have to take a minute to brag!  Ha!  I know right, after my big put down speech on the dirty little braggarts! But the thing is - and I really am just being a little silly with this, you have to "toot your own horn"  sometimes. What is my brag???              I am losing!

We had all four children, two grandchildren, two significant others and one extra dog in the house this weekend.  I cooked and chopped and diced and cleaned and cooked some more.  But I still lost two pounds!  I ate one piece of chocolate, I had one small helping of potatoes.  My lovely daughter number Three helped me make a huge veggie tray and I munched happily on that all weekend and so did everyone else.  The kicker?  Last night, when the last tail lights eased around the corner of our street, carrying the last child away and back to her home - I put on my kicks and got on the treadmill, put in 20 minutes of stress relieving walking, and sat down on the couch with a feeling of great satisfaction and accomplishment.  Damn proud of myself!

I kept it in my mind through the whole weekend that if I played it smart I could still lose a couple of pounds over the weekend.  That's exactly what I did! 

I'm not bragging just to be bragging.  I know full well I can fall off this very high horse any moment.  I really and truly just want to reward myself with a different moment, a moment of self esteem building, all encompassing, atta girl -  you got this!

I am working hard to reach this moment in life where I feel peace with my weight and my lifestyle.  Where I feel like I'm back in control of the things I am supposed to be in control of and accepting those things I cannot control. When I am true to myself and reach a goal, which this time was the last two pounds that put me in a different weight category, I do have to take a moment and shout out - I did it! 

Now enough of the bragging.  Today is a new day.  I cannot rest on yesterday's accomplishments.  I must do something today to make a difference.  There is no empty name dropping in weight loss.  There is no spewing of useless, blown up out of proportion information that makes me seem more important than I am (mindless bragging).  There is the very honest, very real scale that measures my success or failure.  There are the very real and tangible choices that I must make daily, hourly and moment to moment.  There is no room for an ongoing dialogue of braggadocious comments and revelry. 

BMO - Braggadocious Moment Over!  Back to work!

That's all ~ Thanks Y'all!

Hanging Out with Losers

You know how they say, "You are What You Eat"? I totally agree! Garbage in, garbage out.

I recently realized the same is true of friends/people influences.  I read other people's blogs and they seem to fall into two categories (and I have been in both) The Doers - those that say they want to lose and then by golly they go out and do it and the Talkers - those that try and then fall off, then pick back up and try again and fall off again.

What makes some people more successful and some folks - not so much? I guess if I knew the answer to that, I could sell that solution and be a very rich woman.

Tenacity?  Willpower?  Endurance?  Passion?  Desire?  Humiliation? Confidence? Self Love? Self Worth?  Self Depravation?  What is the Holy Grail of "Just Do It?"

Let's face it, for most of us who are overweight, something broke down.  Something fell apart somewhere.  Life became difficult and we turned to the pleasure of food, or maybe we just love our sweets and that love outweighed reason and inevitably we became less and less healthy.  Sometimes a serious health issue can drive the weight gain.  So many things can contribute to an unhealthy weight there probably are no end to possible scenarios.  But I still think it is safe to say that somewhere along life's journey, something broke down.

Sooooo....to turn things around and head the other direction we really do have to fix what is broken. I wonder if this is where the secret of success is buried.  In being willing to examine what is broken and take the steps to fix it.  Then the let the weight loss follow.

For me personally, what has been broken has been so buried within me that I really have a hard time understanding it all.  Some has been health issues, some has been life happens issues  and some has been some character deficiency and I don't mind saying, that is hard to admit.  Some has just been the weight of other people's b.s.

So what am I doing today to stay on track and put action to my words?  I am hanging out with Winners and Losers.  Winners in that I am trying to be involved with people who want to set goals and reach them.  Losers as in, the people who actually have lost or the ones that are truly in the process of losing.  I realized this when reading some blogs the other day.  Some people are really doing it - losing weight, being active and some people are really just partially submerged in the effort but not enough to push them forward to the point where they are consistent.

If I have learned one thing in all the years of struggle - Consistency is above so many other traits when it comes to losing weight. It was consistency that put me in the Women's World section at Dillard's and Consistency that will get me out!

I am tired of whining.  I am tired of being fat.  I am tired of food dictating my life. I am going to read more success stories and try to find more successful people.  I am determined to do what it takes to lose this weight and I don't want anyone or anything dragging me down. So bring on the losers!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!

Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah BLAH!

I am just gonna put this out there. You know how the political campaigns all add up to a lot of hot air and self promoting?  Well sometimes I read back over my blogs and I think, you know what this is, this is me trying to change my world with words. 


Don't get me wrong, my intentions are real, true, honest and good.  And I love the written word.  I love how a thought can become a word, and a series of words an idea, then a story and it can change a mood, inspire, teach, remind and exercise all its creative power.  But I was reading some of my past blogs today and it all just started running together and feeling like a lot of words without an action to back them up or a an action so thin, it hardly holds up.


It almost makes me mad.  Then I remember.  Life is hard.  Weight loss is hard.  Body breakdowns are extra challenges and mostly, it does no good to live in the land of regret. 


Blogging does one really great thing for me.  It forces me to look at the thoughts and feelings I am having and clearly see if my actions are matching up.  Talk about your accountability checks and balances.


I also revisited a blog of a blog friend today.  She hasn't written in about six months but I still go back and read her stuff, why?  Because she did it.  She lost the weight, she got healthier, she kicked some ass and she is no nonsense about the whole thing. 


This is me, trying desperately to draw a line in the sand and say, enough talk, take action. Be real. Stick to it and do it.  Tired of talking about getting healthy.  Just want to do, do, do IT!


That's all ~ thanks y'all

Contemplate the Miniatures

http://www.medicaldaily.com/alcoholic-drinks-still-impede-weight-loss-376370
Just in case you were wondering about how alcohol affects your diet...I thought the article above was informative, maybe a little simplified but still good information and "food for thought".


So yesterday I hit on something that I want to repeat (for myself - because sometimes I'm slow). The big decisions about being healthy don't just come in the big moments.  In fact, many of the really important decisions come in the most tiny moments of the seemingly insignificant details.


It is not about being perfect but it is about being present.  Watching those moments and making sure they don't slip past me and begin to add up.  Little tick marks, four vertical, one diagonal, now its a symbol for five. Each one by itself, insignificant, added together, they become more substantial. 


That split moment when I decide whether to take my lunch in the morning or even be super smart and prepare my lunch in the evening, those are the moments when success is created.  That extra helping of something yummy, even if it is something healthy, when I'm already satisfied, saying no, that's a moment!  It is so easy to miss those moments, they can pass without us even noticing.


Like the tiny miniature pieces in a doll house.  I need to lean in closely, focus, take time and appreciate those little moments.  If I can think of each moment as a miniature piece of the whole part I think that will help me take those tiny decisions seriously.  Contemplate:


contemplate
play

verb con·tem·plate \ˈkän-təm-ˌplāt, -ˌtem-\

Full Definition of contemplate

con·tem·plat·edcon·tem·plat·ing

1. transitive verb

2. 1 :  to view or consider with continued attention :  meditate on <contemplate the vastness of the universe>
3. 2 :  to view as contingent or probable or as an end or intention <contemplate marriage>

4. intransitive verb

5. :  ponder, meditate

Focus on the miniatures, don't hesitate - contemplate.

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!!

My New BFF

Well, there she is with all her possibilities! My new bestie! My new BFF, best friend, companion and yep, my confidant!  This gal probably doesn't even know what's coming, if she did she might run...and fast!!! 


I have myself convinced of one thing, its all or nothing. I have been blogging about losing weight for five years, three months and 6 days.  I have lost, I have gained, I have learned and I have forgotten.  I have been all in and focused on the goal, and I have been at times hanging on by a thread.  I have an arsenal of recipes and favorite low carb foods.  I don't eat beef, choosing instead to eat lighter, leaner meats like turkey and chicken. But I am still overweight.  What gives?
I am convinced this is the hardest thing I have ever done and why is that?  Because it is a choice I have to make every day! 



Think about it, usually in life the big responsibilities come with built in rewards and consequences, things you cannot easily ignore.  When you have children, once that baby is in your presence you can hardly ignore it and walk away, there are laws against that.  When you start a job, there are people counting on you and that expectation keeps you going through your daily routine and showing up, performing and in a week or two you get your reward.
But...weight loss is all about choice, daily choice, weekly choice, moment to moment choice... the reward is both immediate, and long term, it is illusive because you can have it in your hand and feel the glory, turn around and lose it so quickly. 


There are no laws that compel me to eat healthy, exercise or take medication, except the laws of nature and those are easily ignored by sticking my head in the sand. It is a constant battle, winning one, losing one.  There is no screaming baby ( ha, unless you count me throwing a tantrum because I want carbs and then again I don't).  The point being, there is a short list of reasons to do this and do it right, they are life or death reasons but those decisions come in such miniscule moments they seem insignificant.  But the sum total of each of those equals the success or failure of any break of habit, any huge life changes. So what's a gal to do???


Go shopping of course!  Ha hahaha - I cracked myself up on that one.  But yeah, shopping for new habits, new outlets for stress, new bffs in the form of a commitment machine otherwise known as exercise equipment.  I realize after five years of ups and downs that there is no golden grail. There are strings of decisions, that all add up. Like life itself, it happens while you are planning to make it happen and while you are sleeping away in oblivion.


There are ways to set myself up for success and ways to let myself off the hook.  So with my new equipment, I have removed all excuses. (Well maybe not all - I'm sure I can come up with something) but I have given myself the gift of convenience that is hard to ignore. This is a chance to ramp it up. To take the higher road.  My new BFF  stares at me longingly across the room, beckoning me to join her. She is asking me to trust her, to tell her my worries and my woes.


I guess I better "shoe up" and go do that thing.  Spend time with my new friend.  I want to keep her happy.  She and I  are developing a good relationship of give and take. I'm gonna give her everything I've got and she is gonna take me to the next level! 


That's all ~ Thanks y'all!