Mile Four Meltdown

Oh man...epic fail.  Body fail.  Heart fail.

Went out for my first official 10k today. I did not make it.

Less than a mile in I could feel my heart rate climbing.  I live in Arkansas.  Arkansas in May can be 50 degrees for the high or 100.  Choose your day.  We are in the south and we are in the line of every different weather system that percolates, coast to coast - border to border. Well today at 8:00 a.m. it was 80 degrees with 85% humidity, I think. If you don't know what that's like, turn your shower on hot and close the bathroom door.  Now try to breathe.  Yeah...that's what I'm talking about.  Running in a Sauna.

I have done 5ks all year.  I have gone out for 6 and 7 mile run/walks.  I have shown up and executed my goal and even though I'm slow as molasses, I can pretty much do what I want if I respect my limitations.  Not today.

As mentioned, heart rate started climbing, I backed off just enough to breathe while staying in front of the stroller pusher and woman that looked like she was sorry she signed up.  (Not to put down the moms and dads with strollers - 99% of them are faster than me.  But I thought I could out pace this one) So I labored on.  I just didn't feel right.  I thought it will pass.  I will warm up and it will ease.  It did not.

I had my moments, I rallied around mile three.  I did a little jog.  I slowed to walk again, and back goes the heart rate.  Finally,at about 3.5 I stop and sit on a fire hydrant.  Just a little time out leaning and resting and I will be on my way, I'm sure of it.  No dice.  As I start out again, heart still racing I am now dizzy.  Well crap.  This isn't my day.  On the way out to the turn around point, I see running buddies heading back in...they look beat.  Everyone is soaked from sweat and ice water dumps from dixie cups down their backs, their fronts, their anywheres...everyone is struggling...I keep moving.

Finally at 3.97 I see the EMS guys in their golf cart thingy.  I think - u know, I should just let them check my heart rate so I will feel better finishing, knowing its all okay.  Well surprise surprise...they say its not.  My heart rate is 165 and they tell me I should stop.  I burst into tears and I'm sure these three EMT guys are like OMG lady - what gives? I'm blubbering, "But I'm so close", as if its the Olympics and my country is counting on me.  But you know, to me it is. And I was counting on me.

I calm down realizing these guys don't get paid enough to deal with me and my dramarama meltdown.  I relinquish the right to push myself into a stroke and face forward in the cart for the drive of shame.  Oh my gosh...could we pass any closer to the finish line and all the people who DID finish?

But here's the deal.  It could be embarrassing and I started to give into that.  I could feel shame and it was tempting to go there.  I could feel sad and let down and I admit, I do a little.  But if we don't get out and try and push and take risks - you know where we will be?  On the couch.

So let me be your poster child for what could go wrong and did.  I signed up for my first 10k hopeful it would be a beautiful May day with birds singing and a breeze blowing.  It was not.  It was and is the humid, dreadful precursor to tornadoes kind of day you only know  of if you live somewhere near the Mason Dixon Line.  Then, I obviously need to see my doctor and find out if it was just the heat or some other problem in combination. (I suspect low potassium as I have been having muscle cramps at night and a few other heart rate experiences).  So  dreadful humidity and epic body malfunction but hey it happens - we don't have control of these things.

I don't regret trying.  And I will try again.  So there it is.  The meltdown happened, I survived.  I will be back out there and I will thrive.  There was a time a trip to the grocery store wiped me out. If I'm gonna wipe out better to do it in search of glory and the right to put that 10k sticker on my back glass than to wipe out in search of the chip aisle!  I like my meltdowns hot baby...Hot and Sweaty, they don't stock that on the chip aisle!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!