My New BFF

Well, there she is with all her possibilities! My new bestie! My new BFF, best friend, companion and yep, my confidant!  This gal probably doesn't even know what's coming, if she did she might run...and fast!!! 


I have myself convinced of one thing, its all or nothing. I have been blogging about losing weight for five years, three months and 6 days.  I have lost, I have gained, I have learned and I have forgotten.  I have been all in and focused on the goal, and I have been at times hanging on by a thread.  I have an arsenal of recipes and favorite low carb foods.  I don't eat beef, choosing instead to eat lighter, leaner meats like turkey and chicken. But I am still overweight.  What gives?
I am convinced this is the hardest thing I have ever done and why is that?  Because it is a choice I have to make every day! 



Think about it, usually in life the big responsibilities come with built in rewards and consequences, things you cannot easily ignore.  When you have children, once that baby is in your presence you can hardly ignore it and walk away, there are laws against that.  When you start a job, there are people counting on you and that expectation keeps you going through your daily routine and showing up, performing and in a week or two you get your reward.
But...weight loss is all about choice, daily choice, weekly choice, moment to moment choice... the reward is both immediate, and long term, it is illusive because you can have it in your hand and feel the glory, turn around and lose it so quickly. 


There are no laws that compel me to eat healthy, exercise or take medication, except the laws of nature and those are easily ignored by sticking my head in the sand. It is a constant battle, winning one, losing one.  There is no screaming baby ( ha, unless you count me throwing a tantrum because I want carbs and then again I don't).  The point being, there is a short list of reasons to do this and do it right, they are life or death reasons but those decisions come in such miniscule moments they seem insignificant.  But the sum total of each of those equals the success or failure of any break of habit, any huge life changes. So what's a gal to do???


Go shopping of course!  Ha hahaha - I cracked myself up on that one.  But yeah, shopping for new habits, new outlets for stress, new bffs in the form of a commitment machine otherwise known as exercise equipment.  I realize after five years of ups and downs that there is no golden grail. There are strings of decisions, that all add up. Like life itself, it happens while you are planning to make it happen and while you are sleeping away in oblivion.


There are ways to set myself up for success and ways to let myself off the hook.  So with my new equipment, I have removed all excuses. (Well maybe not all - I'm sure I can come up with something) but I have given myself the gift of convenience that is hard to ignore. This is a chance to ramp it up. To take the higher road.  My new BFF  stares at me longingly across the room, beckoning me to join her. She is asking me to trust her, to tell her my worries and my woes.


I guess I better "shoe up" and go do that thing.  Spend time with my new friend.  I want to keep her happy.  She and I  are developing a good relationship of give and take. I'm gonna give her everything I've got and she is gonna take me to the next level! 


That's all ~ Thanks y'all!

Judgement Day

We haven't seen a speeding ticket in awhile and our son Reed has never had one so it wasn't completely surprising when he visited a couple of weeks ago and produced the dreaded ticket as soon as he got his courage up.  After raising four children you come to expect this kind of stuff will happen occasionally.  It's a learning experience. 

Reed had traveled from Fayetteville, Arkansas to Cordova, TN which is about a 5 hour trek and that is a huge chunk of time for a student in the architecture program at the U of A. Those guys practically sleep in the studio. But Reed declares on presenting the ticket that he wants to go to court and see if he can get this dropped. Really?  You wanna hoof it back over here and sit in courtroom and take a chance on a goose egg and then hoof it back?  Plus you will loose a day of school which is like losing a week up there. Yes. (That's his mama in him - I hate to back down without a fight)

So Reed shows up in the middle of the night ready to drag it to court the next day.  We drive over to West Memphis where the offence occurred and endure hours of waiting in the hallway and courtroom for all manner of criminals and soon to be criminals to talk to the judge. It was an experience to say the least. I can't remember the judges name but he was a great guy.  He took time with each person and tried to think of the fairest treatment for their situation. He used humor and sage advice to work his way through the sea of human infractions against the laws of man. In a humble kind of awe I watched his technique. I saw his judgment apply only to the matter at hand but not to the person at foot. It was good to see a person of authority trying to help those who society had probably given up on, not all of them but many of them. His goal was clear - to hand out justice in the best way possible hoping that judgment would help the person do better in the future.

Then it was Reed's turn.  It's a strange thing to be proud of your son as you see him stand before a judge for breaking the law.  But in a weird and warped way only a parent could understand I was proud of him.  He had on a nice button down with a sweater and even though his jeans were red they looked nice with his dress shoes.  Even though his hair is long and curly like only a wanna-be rock star architect student would wear it, it was clean. It was obvious, this kid was a good guy.  He stood up straight, he answered with respect. The judge was clearly exhausted from telling the same people the same stuff - so many repeat offenders and he actually knew some of them by name. The judge looked visibly relieved when he talked to Reed. He had to get all the way to the "W"s but finally here was a good guy trying to make something of himself.  The judge even said so, "I like to see a young man doing something with his life". 

Long story short, the judge really cut him a huge break.  Reed learned a few powerful lessons and you know what, so did I.

Lesson 1:  Don't break the law
Lesson 2:  If you are going to break the law be prepared to accept the consequences
Lesson 3:  Show up for your judgment day prepared and with the right attitude
Lesson 4:  Judgment of someone's actions is different than judgment of the person

As a heavy girl I have to admit I can be pretty hard on myself. Perhaps the take away for me is that even though my son broke the law, I could still love him and be proud of him for being a man of character.  Can I not apply that to myself? I went against the law of nature and consumed more calories than I burned.  I am paying the consequences.  Does this make me a bad person?  No way!  So what should I do on "Judgment Day"? (Which for someone overweight is ongoing and I am both the judge and the offender...)

My thoughts? Show up each day dressed and prepped for success.  Stand up straight and accept the judgment.  Have a good attitude. Judge the offence and not the person.  Be kind but be firm, use humor and sage advice but most of all be fair.  That's the only kind of judgment that changes lives.

That's All ~ Thanks Y'all!!