|I love this moment - done!|
I just walked/ran a 5k. Again. I have been doing 5k's since May, at least once a month and sometimes 2. But today was special (just kidding, they are all special) and I really am as high as a kite. My problems and worries have not disappeared, my stresses have not magically erased but I am flying on a cloud of weightlessness and joy. This is why I do it. This is why I do it again and again. I do it for joy. The joy and release that comes from doing something that I couldn't do before. From doing something that costs me so much but I pay the price solely for the pleasure of the finish. From pounding out each step on that damn pavement and leaving every ounce of human spirit I can pull from the reserves out there on that road.
Another reward: New PR 50:14. I am almost to the 40's!!! Haha - the older I get the faster I get - take that father time!
I look around. I see other people like me who are giving it everything they have. Some, like me, are not fast enough to be racing for a medal. We are not in competition with the others, only with ourselves. But this is enough! I see a dad and what appears to be an autistic son, walking, running, holding hands, I see human spirit. I see an African American woman, with body long and lean walking ahead of me pulling away from me and I cannot keep up and she has probably 10 years on me and I feel her human spirit. My buddy has MS, she has bad days and believe me, I get it, and yet there she is, putting it all out there with grace and love and a huge amount of human spirit. Everywhere I look I see fighters, warriors, finishers - we get up, lace up, show up, and finish up. We are no excuses.
I ran a huge part of today's race. Huge for me I mean - although it probably added up to half a mile. For me it was a victory. I am coming to trust my body again. To believe it can hold me up and sustain my speed without falling, exhausting or injuring. I want to be a runner. I want to be lean and long and light. Today I nudged my body and spirit one step closer. Today I took one more wrung up the ladder. Today I impressed myself.
I have started listening to music as I go. It has been a huge help. I have to admit, my best pace song is Flo Rida - Right Round (terrible song - lol - but what a great beat for a beginning runner!) But my joy song is Shackles by Mary Mary:
It sure is hot out here, ya know? I don't mind though just glad to be great Know what I'm saying!
Chorus: Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance I just wanna praise you ... I just wanna praise you ... You broke the chains now I can lift my hands And I'm gonna praise you, I'm gonna praise you!
In the corners of my mind I just can't seem to find a reason to believe That I can break free, cause you see I have been Down for so long, feel like the hope is gone, but as I lift my hands, I understand that I should praise you through my circumstance
Everything that could go wrong All went wrong at one time So much pressure fell on me I thought I was gonna lose my mind But I know you wanna see If I will hold on through these trials But I need you to lift this load Cause I can't take anymore
Been through the fire and the rain Bound in every kind of way But God has broken every chain So let me go right now Chorus Take them off Take them off What'cha gonna do
I am no "Power Christian" believe me, I once went there and I found it exhausting. I am only a simple believer and not a thumper. But, there is a verse in the Bible that says, God inhabits the praise of his people. When I hear Shackles, I believe it. When I am on the road, if you see me raise my hand I am praising God. Praising that I have the strength to be there, both mentally and physically. Praising God that even though I don't understand Him - I believe He is with me. He didn't leave me stranded in the wilderness with shackles, wallowing in my fear. He brought me to running club and set me in the midst of beautiful women and though not perfect, they are perfect for me. And if they aren't perfect then I don't have to be perfect either.
He set me free and set my feet on a journey...and I'm gonna praise Him. And then I'm gonna pat myself on the back and say good job, now go do it again.
And then I must remember to Ask Him to forgive me for Flo Rida...
That's all ~ Thanks y'all!