I have a friend of a friend who was looking for someone to fill a full-time position. Always wanting to keep all my options open I went to talk to her and find out what was up. It sounded like your normal receptionist gig but they were looking to add some other very interesting responsibilities and this and that. Well not to divulge so much information so as to embarrass myself or that person let me say in a nutshell, it was a fine job but wouldn't have given me any kind of upgrade in my standard of living. And, I have a job, in fact I have two jobs and though not perfect (because perfect is not possible) they are good jobs, even great jobs. So when the nice lady let me know they were going to offer it, I said no.
Why? Well...At first I was all excited like oh I could do this and help them out and they would be so happy they hired me and I could make a great contribution and feel fulfilled. Then I realized, I do that wherever I go. Or at least I try to. There is a latent overachiever in me that did not fully emerge until after my divorce eons ago. I charge out of the gate (Well except for at CAE because of circumstances beyond my control) and I go fired up into the battle with a great warrior cry! Companies like that can - do attitude. It has landed me a lot of jobs over the years.
But this time I really felt like I wanted to do what was best for me not what was best for anyone else. It was tempting, that proverbial carrot of "what if". But I really thought long and hard about what I wanted and what would be in my best interest. It is a luxury that moms sometimes forget to take. I was like yeah I would be great at that job but what's in it for me? And I realized, not enough to tempt me away from what I have.
Now why can't I apply that reasoning to my health?
Why can't I look at that bag of chips and say, you know, you are really tempting and all and I'm like drooling because I have been going through the chip desert but will you really further my goals? What's in it for me if I consume you, other than enough calories to feed a family of four?
Why can't I see the pizza and say well you look really good but how are you investing in my future? Oh you are investing in me by promising to stay with me the rest of my life. Well while I believe that, it might not be a good thing.
There is power in no. Not in the disappointment you bring to someone else. I hate that part. I don't want to let anyone down. I want to lift them up. But if I am just thinking about me only - I feel empowered when I say no, what you are offering is good and all, but no, as good as it may be - its just not good enough. I deserve better. I'm holding out for better.
Oh that I could tell the plate of fried rice, you look good enough to eat but I'm gonna wait on a healthier version of you because I am really into taking care of me. I mean - I know you are great - but I want something even greater! I deserve the best you know... The power of that would feel like SWOOSH! I've had that before. I want that again!
I'm going to ponder these things. I think my next post is going to be about relationships with other races and not have anything to do with health - but a lot to do with passion. Until then, I want to think about saying yes to the dress, the smaller dress, and saying no to the foods and drinks that while they are wonderful, they are just not worth it!
That's All ~ Thanks Y'all!!