The Toxic Friend
Did you ever have a friend that you liked a lot but they were just bad for you? Did you ever try to ride that line of staying friends but keeping your distance too? Did you ever fall flat on your face in the process? Well welcome to the club. Bad boyfriends, toxic friends, unhealthy relationships, I think most of us have had some brush with this kind of danger. But how can someone be toxic and still be called friend?? Isn't that an oxymoron?
Imagine this, you have a home and you have an unwanted friend that keeps trying to get into that home. Pretty soon they find the weak spot, an unlocked door, and bam! They're in! You get rid of them eventually with some hard work and persuasion. then Bam! They're back again, different door, but same scenario, unlocked, unguarded. You are gaining strength but they are gaining courage and when you shuffle them out again - you got it - BAM! THEY ARE BACK IN! And this time they brought friends!
I am trying to say, the wolf has blown my house down. But hey - I started it all when I was flirting with him back there at the grocery store. And who is the big bad wolf? Why he is Mr. Exception. And how was I so foolish as to get involved with him? Well he was dressed like an innocent lamb and I thought he was so cute, until he destroyed my resolve and made me gain five pounds that I worked so hard to lose!
Yes, the very innocent exception, that was supposed to be just one bite of this, or one wayward meal, well he kept coming back until guess what? Mr. Exception became the Rule. How did he find his way back in? I thought I had all those doors secure - but this is how sneaky he is!
First he fooled me into thinking I was in control enough that I could flirt with him without inviting disaster! He is sooo sneaky I think he must cast some spell on me that makes me forget all those other times I proved I should just stay clear of him!
Then after he has me full of false security about our relationship, he starts to look for the next stronghold, a way to really get inside. Believe me, he is smart and he found it - there were three doors that were not secure enough.
The door of boredom
The door of hunger
and the door of shame.
When I become bored and I am much more likely to make exceptions.
When I become tooo hungry and need a quick meal, I am much more likely to make exceptions.
When I let myself relive old mistakes and blunders, I fall into the trap of guilt and shame and boy does that ever cause me to regress!
So, here I am admitting I made a pact with that devil called exceptions and I made way too many exceptions! But I am drawing a line in the sand and kicking him out! Making exceptions is a double edged sword. I have to allow myself some freedom to make exceptions or I will be under a heavy code of laws I cannot hold up...and I must have liberty. But I must not take too many liberties or suddenly my exception becomes the new rule and now I am under its command.
So what lock do I put on the doors to keep the exceptions at bay?
On the door of boredom I must place the lock of activity. People, places and things that do not involve food.
On the door of hunger I must place the lock of preparedness. Always have a go-to that is a quick escape but healthy too.
On the door of shame, I must hang a wreath for those I've wronged and those bad decisions I've made and I must walk away. That door will only relive the grief that has already been lived many times over. Forgive yourself, forgive others, turn out the light and walk away - down the path of living amends.
Exception, I must figure out how to visit you occasionally but not let you in my house! You are a bad seed! You are an oxymoron if ever there was one. For you are both toxic and friend.
I'm keeping an eye on you.
That's all ~ Thanks y'all
Oops, that's not all...I wrote a little poem for my Toxic Friend.
I had a friend who came to play
before I turned she begged to stay.
Before the dawn she set up camp,
before the dusk she'd made her stamp.
I tried my best to force reprieve,
she fought to stay and would not leave.
I told her once and told her twice
that she must go or pay the price.
She laughed a laugh that knows no end,
while summoning a host a friends.
She pointed out my biggest scams
when I denounced my well laid plans.
Inviting her in without discretion -
thinking myself a force to reckon -
I lowered my guard to the point of exemption -
and it all began with that one exception.
Pray for my peeps in Arkansas - Mayflower and Vilonia are so close to my hometown.
That's all, really all ~ Thanks y'all!