Here I go again stealing AA slogans. But hey recovering alcoholics/addicts are pretty amazing people (their active counterparts not so much) and they have some really great wisdom. I happen to know a few and I can always learn something new from their enlightenment. They truly are a group of people who try to deal with life in a positive, non dependent way.
And that brings us to a favorite slogan and it just so happens to apply to all of us good ol food addicts as well. ANY EXCUSE IS A GOOD EXCUSE! Did I say that loud enough? I can fashion an excuse out of any old thing. I can stub my toe and that is a good reason to get into the pantry. The Target cashier can give me some real or imagined attitude and I better go ahead and stop by Taco Bell on the way home.
I wonder if I go as far as my most dreaded alcoholic relationship? the dreaded ex-husband? (Sorry girls if you are reading this, not trying to bash your father) Looking back on four years of hell I spent living with him, I noticed a pattern. We would fight, he would storm out (usually on a Friday night) and I would not see him until Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Yeah bummer. But I see that the fight was a way to create a drama that led to a path he was already searching for, an excuse to not just have a beer, but to go ape-shit crazy and lose himself in alcohol.
I tracked him down on one of those occasions, 9 month old baby in tow in the middle of the night and found him passed out on his friend's couch. I never did that again. The heartbreak of seeing the father of my children, the man I loved, compromising his dignity to climb into that bottle equaled overwhelming sadness for me. Obviously, since he is my ex we didn't make it. I was young and ill-equipped to handle the situation especially as it escalated over the years. Sadly I did a lot of dumb things to inflict hurt right back on him and I am guessing they hit the mark. Ouch. Okay - shaking that off.
The point of the reverie, I bet my people that love me sit back and watch me create mini-dramas to justify why I'm overeating, snacking, being a couch potato but even if they don't, I want to. I want to begin at the beginning which is usually me justifying the food I know I shouldn't eat or defending the "reasons" I am not working out today. I know myself and know I can create a million excuses to mask the behavior but in the end it is just a mask. Masking it doesn't change it, the scale doesn't move based on thoughts, philosophies, intentions or blog writing. The scale is honest, it is concrete, it only responds to actions that precipitate its use and change, real change that occurs from those actions.
Any excuse is a good excuse to dive into our addictions. I think we have to love ourselves more than that and believe we can live above the excuse. So here's to me - being honest today - no excuses.
That's All ~ Thanks Y'all!
Great post. So very true. We don't even realize what we are doing at times. It's like being a hamster running in a circle. It's a part of the recovery to recognize and address our destructive, self-sabotaging ways. Even at that, we have to still fight our demons and sometimes they occasionally win. As time passes, we get more wins than losses and dig our way out of that hell. Here's to being in charge. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI was just talking to my daughter about obsessing and getting on the hamster wheel. I think it is a problem for many folks in some form or fashion. So love your insight and "we get more wins than losses and dig our way out of hell" is exactly where I am trying to live these days - getting enough victories and positives to gain that confident edge! Ty so much for tuning in and offering wisdom! Much appreciated!!
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