Erma Bombeck would have said, When life gives you lemons...
You throw them at your neighbors....
or some other witty little ditty that would have made us laugh and realize we were not the only ones whom Murphy's Law visited from time to time. But that was Erma - the glass is always half full if you have a good one-liner Bombeck.
Truth is sometimes life gives you such a bushel of lemons that you really don't know what to do with them but you know one thing - you don't want to be a victim of them even though you secretly fear you might end up there. And so, sometimes the crossroads of life are defined by success and failure where the stakes are so high they hardly feel real and you have to reign in your thinking and apply yourself and this takes all your effort. Okay enough philosophising - I have sleep apnea.
I don't just have sleep apnea, I have complex sleep apnea. I have 100 episodes an hour where I stop breathing when I sleep. I have a bi-pap machine that is set to 14/10 (recently moved down from 18/14) when everyone else I know that has this problem has a pressure of 6 or 8 and they wanted to increase mine from 18/14 to 25/20 because that is the pressure it took to get my apnea to submission. At 14/10 I am still having about 30 episodes an hour where I stop breathing. That is of course, an episode every two minutes. And that means, I don't really sleep well, but I sleep better at 30 episodes an hour than 100. I went to the Ear Nose and Throat specialist yesterday and he cannot help. There are two extreme surgeries that could help 1. A surgery that moves the tongue forward and keeps the back of the tongue from closing off the airway or 2. (for dire situations) a tracheotomy that would help me breathe through my neck and bypass all the upper respiratory that isn't working - not a good solution.
This post is not for pity, there are people worse off than me. This post is not for pious pride, no I am not going to rally like Isis and conquer this with one swift blow. This post is for reality. The reality is, I am sick. It would seem a kind of chronic sick and that seems to be the worst news of all - this will take time, and great effort and even at its best, it will only be manageable.
So how do we deal with this news, better yet, how does Kim deal with this news? That recipe has yet to be written. One thing is for sure, I am not about to sit around and lick my wounds. I have a bushel of lemons and I think its time to consult with Betty Crocker. From lemon pie to lemon squares - there is life after chronic illness but you have to look beyond the surface and the best thing of all...when you run out of recipes in Betty Crocker
there is always a place for a neighborhood lemon-aide stand
and if you hurry,
you can beat the ice cream van!
This is my new reality - give me time to process and I will return, that's all....