They say knowledge is power

But knowledge is not power, Action is. 

Knowing but not doing is not power.  Knowing and acting on knowing is power. 

Once again, I have figured some things out.  If I am writing less, I am thinking more but thinking is not enough, today, I must take action - so here is some action - a post - how clever - how novel.  haha - laughing at myself...

I have a new job.  In the beginning days of my new job, I was tired and falling asleep (for nano seconds) in front of my computer.  I do not sleep well - thanks to severe sleep apnea and occasional stress induced insomnia.  I had begun my weight loss/healthy eating effort while I was laid off from the best job I ever had.  Starting a new job, learning a new skill set, new softwares, new people was another shock to the system and I did not realize, I was emotionally and mentally exhausted - until recently. I was trying to do tooooooooooo much at once. 

Shifting to the past...

The most success I ever had at being healthy was years and years ago, when the kids were young, in school and manageable, I wasn't working and was taking a few college classes and could afford (thanks to student loan money) a student membership at a local gym and I worked out at least an hour a day.  Then walked with my husband when I could.  I wasn't in my depressed, addicted to junk food stage then and life was good.  Before the challenges with my kids got heavy, before my relationship with my husband hit a wall and before we lost some of our most precious friends...in other words - before life had really showed me how bad it could be....Then came the demons.  Thankfully, they are gone now, chased away by better days, renewed relationships and a good healthy dose of self acceptance. 

back to the present (and it is a gift, that is why it is called a present)

So - what I know, If you don't have to work full time and commute two hours per day you can be on a knock down, drag out, kick ass healthy eating regime and work out plan and you can knock the ol' ball right outta the park and fast.  If you have 10 hour days, and you want to be a good employee that moves up the ladder instead of standing under it, you must make choices.  (Talking to me here)  Now, it's up to me, totally, what those choices consist of...

it can be healthy eating or fat eating
it can be semi conscious healthy eating vs. in your face fat eating
it can be no exercise/healthy eating vs. exercise and non stop disgusting eating

lol - being silly here but you get my point - I DEFINE both parameters...both of them - I define the low end and the high end and I even get to choose where to put the pivotal middle pointer thingy that determines if I am succeeding or failing.  It's my life - it's my choice - it's my rules.  I own this!  (Yes, I'm yelling!  Yes, I'm yelling at me!)

Whew!

I am going to do the best I can.  I love my healthy foods and my new understanding of ERF (Eat Real Food! (not processed crap)) but I need dinners out with my husband occasionally and sometimes that nasty take out that is cheap but somehow satisfying in it's own evil way.  I want to give a standing ovation to my sisters in health who are charging toward their goals!  I too was there before the reality of the new job hit.  I will be there again once I get the newness behind me and settle into a routine - but let's face it, that may take awhile.  But I refuse to feel guilty or get upset - I REFUSE!  I love me.  I have to be real and honest about what is doable and what is gonna send me to the funny farm. I choose sanity over blistering fast weight loss.  I choose proving my merit at work over being exhausted every day.  I will get there in my time, in my way, no discussion necessary.

I guess to some folks that sounds like excuses. I don't think so.  I am not resigning my action or losing my power, I applying moderation to my life.    My daughter told me something brilliant one day, and I hope I never ever forget it.  She had been struggling with drug abuse and I was driving her to rehab and we were talking about change.  She told me, the only people who cannot change are those who are clinically unable to be honest.    God love her.  She is doing good now.  She has changed.  She may not make all her decisions the same way I would but she is honest.  Too honest - yeah sometimes - but I'll take that over the other all day every day.

She understood then as now, and she taught me well, knowledge is good, but action is power.

More power to us all!

Thanks Ya'll!