Knitting a New Plan

Today is a good day.  I actually feel like I have some energy.  I lost a couple of pounds and that is very encouraging.  I even felt like doing some housework today.  I feel like I slept so good last night which is rare for me.  Today just feels like a connective day. Like I am knitting a new project and this is a row of stitches that adds onto the last row and leads to the new row.  Nothing special but nothing new or difficult.  I know to be on my guard because this kind of day could easily slip into complacency which could lead to apathy which could encourage me to cheat on my eating, but so far, it just feels right.  Yesterday I spent with my parents, daughter and grandson so maybe my love tank is full and that has added to my sense of well-being.  I am headed off to do some more cleaning - inspired by the fact that I feel like cleaning.  I plan to get on the treadmill soon and see how that feels today.

Part 2
I suppose I used up most of my energy cleaning the bathroom and bedroom today.  (Yes it was bad, but no it wasn't THAT bad)  Its just that my energy is so limited.  By the time I got to the treadmill I just felt tired and blah.  I was afraid this would happen.  I have been down this road so many times.  I loose a couple pounds and something in my brain triggers - "oh you have done so good, reward yourself with a cheeseburger"  or "owee you must be looking so much better after losing those couple of pounds"  Never mind that I look like an apple on stilts, in my mind, I don't always see this.  And who cares anyway if I'm fat??  I do!  Days like this make me think I don't care if I am a "big girl".  But the real truth is, I do care.  I feel awkward, embarrassed, sometimes humiliated, withdrawn, depressed, sad and so many things because I am not happy with my weight.  I know I am supposed to love my body and myself no matter what, but when you get exhausted just doing light housework, its hard not to feel the pangs of regret.  But I know, these are the dark days of adjusting to the new restrictions.  These are the days where I accept that I have a long way to go and remind myself to take it a day at a time. I did accomplish some chores today so I get a gold star for that.  I ate very healthy - gold star.  I did attempt 30 minutes on the treadmill - probably made it 20 - silver star.  Sooooo all in all - I need to think positive and move forward...

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