Pardon Me But I Think I Just Spilled My Guts On Your White Coat

Well I really went and did it this time.  Something I have dreaded, then craved, then chickened out on, then finally, pushed to the wall, I did.  I found a new doctor and I spilled my guts.  Gross sounding I know, but not literally spilled my guts, just figure of speechly.  She (Yes, young female doc) came in expecting a new patient consult and I think I may have surprised her because I certainly surprised myself with my candor.  So much so that when I left her office I felt depleted.  I felt like I had a two hour heart to heart with the principal, or the judge, or some other force of man's laws.  I gave her the whole run down on the symptoms, the known to me causes, and the efforts I have made to cure myself.

She sent me down the hall.  I had to sit in the little chair and offer up my veins in ceremonial sacrifice to the taker of the blood. She was nice enough but I am a big wimp.  I didn't cry though.  I toughed it out and it was over soon enough. Thank Goodness.

So we talked about my sleep apnea and the need for sleep.  We talked about a new sleep study and a new approach to treatment. We talked about my blood pressure and the pain in my lower legs.  She talked about the vein doctor, and the possibility of Type 2 Diabetes.  I laid it out there, stroke by stroke, and she matched each volley with a plan, a possibility for better life results and sent each ball right back into my court.  And you know what, it wasn't so bad.  I felt purged.  I felt like I had a partner in my quest for better health and that partner was all about action and accountability. 

So maybe you are thinking big deal, so what??  But I'm not so good when it comes to seeing a doctor.  Trusting doctors has never been my strong suit and I have to say, I am still a huge advocate for taking care of yourself with the right diet and exercise.  And I'm a private person about the physical stuff. I share what I want to share, but no more.  But at 50 I realize I do have to let the professionals in on my dirty little secrets. Stuff like numbness in my feet and fatigue.

My lack of blood pressure medicine refills forced me to seek out a doctor but my need to be wholly well again finally overcame my fear and self consciousness and I plunged forward like the Labradors I see at the dog park chasing the tennis balls into the pond with passion and abandon.  I'm surprised I didn't scare the poor girl.

So, as I feared, I have not lost my excess weight quickly enough and since the last couple of months I have been letting my diet veer further and further away from what it should be, I have crossed over from pre-diabetic, to just over the line in the world of Type 2 diabetes.  My doctor has given me six weeks to clean up my act and see if diet and exercise are enough to put me on the right path.  After that, I don't know, I am trying to just focus on tonight and the lovely salmon, kale salad and small bowl of navy beans I had for supper. Trying to keep my chin up so I can see clearly how to walk the path ahead a day at a time. 

I'm glad I went.  I'm glad I spilled the beans and told her everything.  We have a plan.  It was the plan I already had but with a little more help and a few more cheerleaders (well the professional kind you have to pay - but still, they are necessary sometimes) and those cheerleaders are also my link to more knowledge and that means more power and if I need it, more tools to help me on the path.  I haven't given up on being healthy again, quite the opposite, I have gathered an army and that army has access to the arsenal.  People we are kickin butt and takin names!

So to the nice lady in the white coat, thank you.  Thank you for listening to me.  Thank you for caring about what happens to me.  Thank you for being kind but firm and wise beyond your very young years.  Thank you for all your medical school learning and the hard work it took to fill your brain with all the knowledge necessary to help people like me get better.  I am sorry I spilled the beans all over your nice white coat.  Next time I go to see you, I'll bring a bottle of  "Spray and Wash" or maybe two.  Life is messy, you could probably use more than one. 

That's all ~ thanks y'all!


  1. Wow!!! I get it! At the first sign of negativity from the doctor I just tuck my tail and wait for my opportunity to leave. I find it so hard to open up and spill and basically say "here is all my pain and dirty secrets, go ahead and judge me harshly or worse choose to not treat me" I have had a couple bad experiences with doctors so I am extra shy with them.
    I am about to switch doctors to one my friend has and likes. My existing doctor is just never available and he cancels appointments all the time.
    Good for you for being so brave!! Good Luck!

    1. Oh Cindy, I totally relate! I have never had a doctor listen and respond the way this young woman did! It was like two planets collided, I was finally ready to let it out and I just got so lucky (blessed) and hit the right doc - and I was seriously tearing up in the exam room and hugged her and told her how much it meant to me to find her. It really was an epic moment for me! Find the right doctor! That's a big key and then do your mental homework, prepare yourself for the brutal honest truth and let it fly! I'm so glad you get it! That makes my day! Thanks so much for your comment and Best of Luck to you too!!!


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