3.31.2014

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Who is the fairest of them all?

Me?

Yes you!

I thought so!

I was thinking the other day, as I often do, about self image and what people see when they look at me versus what I see.

I'm no scholar on human nature or sociology but I have been on earth awhile and I think I have some things figured out.  I'm going to throw this out there and see if it sticks.

I think there are some folks who look at me through the lens of possibility.  The people who truly love me and support me see me for what I can be.  Isn't that what keeps us committed to those we love even when we are so angry at them we could kick them into next week, or so disappointed we could just give up on them? We know they are capable of generating a different emotion in us so we forgive them and look forward to the time when the offense is behind us and unity is restored.

We stand behind the people we love, we cheer their successes, we mourn their losses and we see the potential in them and let that blanket over the flaws. I do believe there are some folks who love me and see the good in me.  I am so thankful for these folks! I do not have to do anything or be any certain way (weight, height, attitude, action) to win their approval.  They love me unconditionally.

Then there are people who see the bad in me.  They see me as a nuisance or an inconvenience or like an unwanted child, as bad timing in the form of a lifelong obligation.  Maybe they even like to compete with me to show me how insignificant I am compared to them.  Maybe they secretly idolize me but hate me at the same time. Maybe I have something they don't have and rather than take responsibility for themselves and go get it, they abhor me for their want.

There are people who see bad in me in that they find my past actions and mistakes intolerable, unforgiveable and cause for being unlovable or unredeemable. Or my current opinions and convictions as lacking compared to whatever they hold dear and true. I'm not good enough for them.

Then the host of people I come in contact with are just neutral.  They may like me one day and dislike me the next. They do not spend any time thinking about it - they just roll day to day with whatever their mood is - whatever the circumstance of our interaction is. If they are having a good day, they are nice and friendly.  If they are having a bad they act like I ran over their mama.

But the big question to me is - how do I see me?  What do I see when I look in the mirror? It's the only question that matters.  My opinion of me is the one that counts the most. And what do I see?        I see a woman who is aging - which surprises me.  Oh I knew it would happen, I just didn't realize it would be like this and my mind would be 26 or 34 and my body would keep rolling toward the grave.

I also see strength to change.  I have it in me to change.  I'm changing.  I see courage to try new things, always! I see beauty.  I see wisdom and intelligence.  I see a compassionate, passionate woman who you do not want as your enemy.  I see the mean streak but I don't mind, it comes in handy when its needed for survival or surthrival. (we can't just survive - we must thrive). I see a woman who has made some big mistakes and learned from them and grown from them and tried to make living amends for the pain I created in the lives of others by foolishly living my own at times. I own my bad, no one needs to preach it to me.

So if all you see when you look at me is overweight or unlovable or some other negative that falls anywhere short of fabulous, I'm sorry to tell you, I don't care. I know who I am, what I am and where I am going. I'm not conceited, I'm contented! I am content at being me, loving me, changing only the me I want to and in my own way and my own time. 

I have fought the battles of trying to change the opinions of others and I have come away bruised and bloody.  But I won't fight their battles anymore.  You don't like me - you don't approve of me - you think I'm fat - so what. Those people can just turn that mirror right back on themselves because that reflection they are trying to pin on me, I reject it.  I will not apologize for being me.  My existence, though it may upset your apple cart, was designed and ordained by my maker. If you have a problem with me, take it up with Him.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?  I am.  Say it again! I am! One more time!

I am!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all!

6 comments:

  1. my boyfriend pasted this on facebook and it fits him perfectly:

    When you truly don't care what the f*ck anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom...!!

    So true - I mean, he has the same demeanor every day. There is rarely a time where he's pissed, or sad, or anything other than being content. He truly doesn't give a shit. I'm trying to not give a shit either. Slowly but surely, and it's working.

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    1. I totally agree! There is no man, woman or child on earth who has the power to take anything away from me, unless I let them. and I agree - here in is the freedom from others views, manipulations, and encroaching on my boundaries. It is a quiet and humble freedom from external cues. I have only me to please and those I choose to let into my circle. That's enough for me! Thanks for the awesome validation!!

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  2. You are wonderful - warts and all!! Don't let bs posers take up any room in your head.

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    1. Thanks LM! I have plenty of warts, but don't we all!?? No more posers! Love it!

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  3. I think it's entering into a space where you realize that the judgement they are trying to inflict upon you is merely a warped reflection of how they view the world and their place in it..it isn't your problem, it is their problem....and if it isn't your problem, you can't solve it...so no worries. Love yourself. Good post.

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    1. I always feel blessed when you comment on my wall! You are still the girl on my poster and the caption reads - she did it - so can you!

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