I'm on the lam. I always thought it was "On the Lamb" which made no sense. And where does that come from anyway? Apparently it's Shakespearean. Lam (not lamb) is old English meaning to "beat it" or to run away. Hence to be on the lam means to be on the run. And who pray tell am I running from? Why the law of course.
No I am not running from the Memphis police, although a scam phone call this morning made me think for a moment I might need to, (long story). I am running from the law of nature, the law of life, the law of responsible choices. The strange thing is, a person "on the lam" is usually alone but I look around and I'll be darn, there are a whole bunch of other folks running too. Its an epidemic of denial, dumb decisions and drama. Drama I create my very own self and then complain because I have to live in it. Dumb, dumb, dumb - but hey no one said every action would be a smart action.
The whole thing started with a bad thought. I got on the scale yesterday and the stupid thing said the same thing it said last week. Numerically it said ### but we all know that's code for fat. Well this made me mad. Mad at myself, mad at my choices and mad that the reality of the situation is you have to make a lot of effort to loose a pound and part of that effort it sacrificing things you love and enjoy.
Then I went to yoga. I thought okay, I will have a banner day and get this ship back on track. Nope. I had worn my muscles out from my weekend activity and they were not having any of it. I couldn't even do my planks that I was knocking out of the ball park last week. This day was falling apart and I was getting so frustrated. To top it off, my favorite instructor has been MIA for the last few weeks and I found out she is taking chemo. Okay - not a good day, not even a neutral day - this is a
"car is in the ditch day". (Hypothetically - I did not actually drive off in the ditch).
So what do I do? While the "car is in the ditch", I decide to take the crow bar and smash the windows. Might as well huh? I mean its in the ditch. The sad thing is, driving off in the ditch had not damaged the car. It's me, taking the crow bar and smashing the windows that cost me repair time and setback. I went into Kroger on my way home to pick up some special ingredients for the anniversary dinner I'm making for my husband to celebrate 25 years, and I pick up chips and dip and sushi while I'm there. Yes, that's what I said and that's what I did, I ate junk food and watched tv all afternoon and had a little pity party because life is so hard and losing weight sux. BooHoo.
So here I am today, trying to pull the car out and make repairs. I only made it worse by adding destruction to misery. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
But here is the deal. I did learn something, something I swear I already learned before, there are laws of living, laws of nature and laws of man. I can go around acting all narcissistic like they don't apply to me but in the end, I am only lying to myself and hurting myself.
The laws of life - people you love will let you down, hurt your feelings, and they get sick. You don't study for that test enough - you will make a bad grade. The world does not exist to please you or conform to you, you must learn to roll with it and flow with it and accept its inherent unfairness on one hand but its rigid reality on the other. To kick against them in rebellion is simply going to bruise you and beat you down.
The laws of man. If you speed consistently and frequently you will get a speeding ticket, eventually. If you don't pay your taxes they will come find you. Never be surprised when the laws of man don't care that you are having a bad day or your dog is sick. To kick against them in rebellion is simply going to bruise you and beat you down.
The laws of nature, and this one is easy, if you eat more calories than you burn you will gain weight. To loose weight you must create a deficit of calories while managing hunger and cravings and cars in the ditch. To kick against them in rebellion is simply going to bruise you and beat you down.
So here's the deal. I can run from the law and go out on the lam but I can't stay out there for long. Sooner or later life is gonna haul me in and set me in front of the judge.
I might as well turn myself in now and start my restitution.
That's all ~ Thanks y'all