I am kind of stuck as far as the scale goes. It seems my weeks go pretty good and I am inching toward dropping into the next number down but then the weekend comes along and I have a little of this and a little of that and the next thing I know I am right back where I was a week ago. I must break this vicious cycle! I'm trying!
I am trying to focus on progress not perfection but I know I need to keep moving toward smaller portions and always be counting the calories. I am happy to find that food is no longer a huge drug for me. I am enjoying meals without stuffing myself and though I know I can still do better I don't always eat every bite on my plate like I once did. I don't eat like each yummy meal is my last chance ever to eat. I am constantly searching for new vegetables to incorporate into my diet and new ways to prepare them.
I am letting myself get hungry before I eat instead of fearing the feeling of hunger, I am learning to embrace hunger again and listen to my body. I once felt panic every time I thought I was getting hungry. Why? I don't know - it was freaky but it was also this feeling of entitlement, "oh I'm getting hungry, now I can load up on something yummy and it will cure all these stressors I'm feeling". I don't think that way these days. I don't use food like that. I consciously try to use food as fuel, the right kind of fuel and I really try to use the high performance fuel for optimum results. I do love to cook good food but I am cooking good light food and nutritious food. I try to eat to satisfy only, when I eat to fill up I feel lethargic and uncomfortable. I think these are all very encouraging signs.
The thing I am most excited about it is my new drug of choice. Energy. I have so much more energy these days. I love the lightness of my body as it moves through the hikes, yoga classes, and weight lifting. I have some down days sure, but I am finally seeing my energy level increase. Where I was once so tired and lethargic I ate to try to bolster myself and create any surge I could, I am now surging without the food crutch. Some days I am even flying so high I don't know what to do with myself. And when exercising I often feel that surge of adrenaline that pushes me even higher.
It is not just the energy that comes from adrenaline that I am feeling. It is an overall healthy eating and exercising energy. It is a sustaining energy that I am enjoying and embracing. It is my reward for all the hard work. Even if I never lost a pound I am healthier than I have been in about 7 years. But I don't want to stop there. I want to see just how high I can get. Amazed that my old body can erase years of abuse to rise up and perform, I want to see what else it can do.
|The very fancy bridge at Shelby Park|
Yesterday on our 3.5 hour hike I noted the muscles in my legs and posterior starting to engage and it was no longer a feeling of "oh dear can I do this" coupled with muscle fatigue it was more a feeling of pleasure that the muscles were gaining and able and getting a good work out. From the pain of the walk to the pleasure of the walk - what a transformation in just 2 months time! No wonder I feel high! In this drug ridden world I am so pleased to remember, there is a drug that is cheap but not free and is legal and wholesome and a cure for many ailments. Bring it on dealer, I'm ready for another shot, snort, toke - anyway it can be delivered just bring it! Let's get high!
That's all ~ Thanks y'all