My Drug of Choice


I don't like drugs.  Especially weight loss drugs.  I used weight loss drugs to lose about 40 pounds in 2004-5 and they helped set in motion a chain of events that began the launch of my extreme weight gain that now far exceeds what I lost when I took them. I have learned though that there are no shortcuts to weight loss.  Everyone must find a path that works for them and I believe the struggle to lose is a big part of the motivation not to re-gain.

I am kind of stuck as far as the scale goes. It seems my weeks go pretty good and I am inching toward dropping into the next number down but then the weekend comes along and I have a little of this and a little of that and the next thing I know I am right back where I was a week ago. I must break this vicious cycle!  I'm trying!

I am trying to focus on progress not perfection but I know I need to keep moving toward smaller portions and always be counting the calories.  I am happy to find that food is no longer a huge drug for me.  I am enjoying meals without stuffing myself and though I know I can still do better I don't always eat every bite on my plate like I once did. I don't eat like each yummy meal is my last chance ever to eat. I am constantly searching for new vegetables to incorporate into my diet and new ways to prepare them.

I am letting myself get hungry before I eat instead of fearing the feeling of hunger, I am learning to embrace hunger again and listen to my body. I once felt panic every time I thought I was getting hungry.  Why?  I don't know - it was freaky but it was also this feeling of entitlement, "oh I'm getting hungry, now I can load up on something yummy and it will cure all these stressors I'm feeling".  I don't think that way these days.  I don't use food like that. I consciously try to use food as fuel, the right kind of fuel and I really try to use the high performance fuel for optimum results.  I do love to cook good food but I am cooking good light food and nutritious food. I try to eat to satisfy only, when I eat to fill up I feel lethargic and uncomfortable.   I think these are all very encouraging signs. 

The thing I am most excited about it is my new drug of choice.  Energy.  I have so much more energy these days.  I love the lightness of my body as it moves through the hikes, yoga classes, and weight lifting.  I have some down days sure, but I am finally seeing my energy level increase.  Where I was once so tired and lethargic I ate to try to bolster myself and create any surge I could, I am now surging without the food crutch. Some days I am even flying so high I don't know what to do with myself. And when exercising I often feel that surge of adrenaline that pushes me even higher.

It is not just the energy that comes from adrenaline that I am feeling.  It is an overall healthy eating and exercising energy.  It is a sustaining energy that I am enjoying and embracing.  It is my reward for all the hard work.  Even if I never lost a pound I am healthier than I have been in about 7 years. But I don't want to stop there. I want to see just how high I can get. Amazed that my old body can erase years of abuse to rise up and perform, I want to see what else it can do. 

The very fancy bridge at Shelby Park
We made it to the bridge yesterday on our hike, the big bridge. It was quite an accomplishment. Just another reward for dedicating myself to better health.  I cannot become complacent though.  This drug is elusive, I must seek it out with every bit of determination and resolve I can muster.  I am thankful that I have devoted my life to becoming a healthier me.  The pay off is huge and it is going to be even better when the pounds come off and I can finally see the outside matching the inside again.

Yesterday on our 3.5 hour hike I noted the muscles in my legs and posterior starting to engage and it was no longer a feeling of "oh dear can I do this" coupled with muscle fatigue it was more a feeling of pleasure that the muscles were gaining and able and getting a good work out.  From the pain of the walk to the pleasure of the walk - what a transformation in just 2 months time!  No wonder I feel high!  In this drug ridden world I am so pleased to remember, there is a drug that is cheap but not free and is legal and wholesome and a cure for many ailments.  Bring it on dealer, I'm ready for another shot, snort, toke - anyway it can be delivered just bring it!  Let's get high!

That's all ~ Thanks y'all


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