Window Shopping

A great American pastime, window shopping, poses a huge danger for overweight women.  Especially middle aged, overweight women.  If you are overweight you may guess where this is going, if you are approaching overweight let this be your cautionary tale. 

Window shopping for the heavy girl is like your mom taking you to the candy store but not letting you buy any candy.  You see the gap windows all dressed out for fall and love that new fabric pattern and ohhhh that layered look with the denim vest on top but you don't dare enter the store.  Why?  Shame and embarrassment and knowing you can hardly squeeze through the isles, let alone those tiny shirts.  Keep moving down to American Eagle and omg - love the new boyfriend jean with the button fly - don't even bother to ask if they have your size - they don't. And although some of the 20 something year olds that work there will look at you blankly just like they do everyone else, some of them are going to give you the head to toe look-over with the punctuation pause of what the hell are YOU doing in here?  Shopping for your size 2 niece I hope.

So clothing trends are geared toward the thin.  This is not a shocker to you I hope - if it is - where do you stay? Under a rock perhaps.  And I am not saying you can't be heavy and be stylish - I'm just saying - be prepared for adversity.  I once had to drop a long time "friend" off my facebook list because she was engaging in conversation with people about how overweight people shouldn't wear trends like the straight leg jean and the thread started to get ugly about how awful heavy people look in some of the latest trends. The thing that got me - those people probably look "awful" in the not so trendy stuff too - they're fat - they look fat and in some people's opinion this equals awful.  All people should wear what they like and what they feel attractive in (unless you are talking about lurid - and that is another topic). I just couldn't stay friends with someone who was bashing heavy people for wanting to be stylish.  Geesh.

Back to window shopping.  The double threat of window shopping is not just that the clothes promoted in those very cool, make you drool windows are never gonna fit you, it is also risky that you may catch a glimpse of yourself in that clean window reflection. If you are like me - and maybe you're not, for your sake - I hope not - but I avoid mirrors that show me in a bad light.  Some mirrors are more flattering than others so if I'm gonna check me out - it's those I'm gonna use.   So if I catch a reflection it is usually surprising. Like oh dear is that really me?  (Remember the Hips Don't Lie post?  Same thing) We kid ourselves, protect ourselves, hell we even out and out lie to ourselves until the day comes that we can no longer blame our fat pictures on the "10 pounds the camera adds".  We are in denial. We like our denial it protects us, defends us, and sometimes it is our only survival tool. 

Sunday we were standing outside Waffle House with our son and his girlfriend and I happened to see myself in the window.  Even with my oversize shirt and scruffy capris I could see that my reflection is shrinking just a bit. I liked the reflection I saw.  I think it reflects the inside change as well as the outside change. It reflects my future and it really shows I am letting go of the past.

I still can't shop at Gap or any trendy stores but I know without a doubt the day is coming when I may.  I am not getting there with weight loss drugs or gimmicks or any short cuts.  It is a decision I make at each meal, each grocery store visit, each yoga session and each walk. I choose to be healthier.  Not perfect but my sight is set on a better version of me.

I want to join that exclusive club of people that window shop and never flinch.  That elite group that live and work within the healthy BMI for their height and age.  Cost of admission, about 90 more pounds, and darn well worth it!

That's All ~ Thanks Y'all!!!