I usually don't sit down and write a post until I have figured out the issue I am going to write about. This time I am going to forge ahead of myself and put it out there only knowing a couple of things I have figured out about this strange emotional phenomenon. I am officially looking for answers and I know they will come, they always do but for now, I'm just posing the question because it is sitting on my shoulder and pulling at those little hairs at the back of my neck. In other words, it's the question that has me disturbed, even before the answer has begun to reveal itself.
The question is, what is homesick? How do you deal with homesick? Why does it sneak up on you like a kitten pouncing on an unsuspecting bug? Then scamper away, laying dormant until the next attack?
I don't like to play the victim. I sure don't like to be the victim. In fact I am suspicious of folks who are the victim unless they have a really good reason to be, and most people don't, in my opinion. So when I am feeling down, sick, victimized it irritates me, it aggravates me, but it often empowers me to fight my way out.
Now I am a big crier. You know how on the detective shows they talk about the shooting and the "hair pin trigger"? Urban Dictionary defines this as altering a gun so it responds with very little pressure. Well my cry response is built with a hair pin trigger, always has been, (except for the period of a year or so after my divorce when I didn't cry at all. Not a drop. That situation rendered me tearless after crying a river, the river dried up. It was a nice break, but not a maintainable me as I found out a couple of pre-ulcer doctor visits later.) But I don't necessarily connect crying with victimizing oneself. Crying is a release of tension, a form letting the bad out so the good may return. But sometimes I think it can signal when someone has crossed over to being the victim. The red flag so to speak.
All this to say, and I'm trying to get back on track here, there is an honest to goodness grief about leaving one's home and starting a new life. Then there is a fall off the wall homesick that makes one feel that life is happening to them and they have no control (VICTIM). I want to be a healthy homesick healer.
I do not want to self medicate with food, drink or too many sappy romance movies. I want to stay on top, in charge and positive. I know what it is to be depressed. I know what it is to not give a crap anymore, about anything. I do not want to be that gal. I want to acknowledge, this homesick feeling that keeps attacking me and it is so strange because it is hard to pin down exactly what it looks like and what it entails, but I do not want to give myself to its devices.
As usual I have said more than I meant to but it is the rambling of my brain giving itself "what fore"! Yes you are miles away from your family and won't see them as often as you like, yes you don't know anyone here except the people who sell you services like the cable lady, the bank guy or the girls that run the apartment office. But...(love those buts) God has a plan for you. He already sent the long lost cousins for a dinner outing. He has some folks out there he wants you to meet. They will become an impression on the shore of your life and you will on theirs. Be patient. Be the best you can everyday. Keep walking, keep striving, keep loving those people you left behind. It is all gonna be okay. Cry if you have to but do not give way to despair.
Whew, better to get it out than keep it in!
That's all ~ Thanks y'all!