Reality is Painful

Well, I fell off the wagon.  After my big ol' braggadocios post last night, I ate four hash brown squares.  I was so desperate for something salty and I suppose I finally started craving that "comfort food" I said I could live without. I am not going to hang my head in shame though - I refuse.  I did what I had to do to get through the night.  I was miserable and needy and it is what it is. 

I am going to give myself a reality check though.  This is not a punishment (although it kind of feels like one) It is simply me reminding me that I am not doing this for the fun of it.  I am overweight, I am dangerously close to all kinds of life changing illnesses and I am not as attractive (to me) as I believe I could be or deserve to be.  My reality check is going to be posting pics of where I am or was 20 pounds ago. 

Me this summer with my husband, son and son's girlfriend

Christmas, with my daughter and grandson

Bundled up enjoying the snow a month ago...

I don't like to post pics of myself because I don't like the reality of how I look these days.  That being said, I think it is good for me to face the painful truth and get on with it.  I hope to do better in the days ahead.  This may very well be my first moment of truth, where I face the crossroads.  I had a high calorie weekend - eating out one night because my sister was in town.  Then dinner at mom's which was a mix of low cal and high cal foods - I thought those were isolated incidents that I chose, not moments that chose me and caused me to fall.  I knew Monday was a new day and a return to my plan.  Now I am not so sure, I am questioning myself. I don't want to turn back and screw this up again. 

Those hash brown squares are 8 grams of fat each, with 140 calories.  I don't know how I went from doing so good( I even tried out a new recipe yesterday that was really yummy and healthy) to a complete break.  Am I like the alcoholic who after one drink goes back to the bottle?  Only mine is the taste of fat, salt and the rich taste of calories? 

Like I said, I am not going to hang my head in shame.  I have tried to come into this time of change with self love, confidence and positive thinking.  I choose to believe in me.  The reality is painful but it is not who I choose to be, I am better than this and I am beating this. 

These ramblings are starting to remind me of Charlie Sheen, could be the codeine in the cough syrup...so I am signing off...gotta get it together...

Thanks Ya'll!


  1. It has been my experience that the day--or the hour--after I post an "I've found the secret to my weight loss" or an "I'm actually doing this thing." kind of post a serious crash occurs.

    I do not know why. But it happens.

    The other thing is that when we indulge in hi-cal foods a couple days in a row, something happens. It's like part of our brain sayd, "Hey, what's this? Are we eating this again? Wahoo!" Then decided to continue the party even tho we decided to stop.

    Again, it happens. I, for one, habe tried to pretend that it won't--not this time cause I'm doing so well--but it does.

    The secret is what you've said in this post--pick back up and practice caution.

    We're going to do this thing.


  2. Gosh, I'm sorry you feel so bad today. A thought that's been very helfpul for me is to remember that this program of getting healthy is FOR LIFE and life happens. It doesn't make sense to beat ourselves up for living and being human - and especially because of a couple of meals in the whole scheme of life! The key is to learn balance and moderation, especially if we want lasting change. Enjoy the good times whenever you're blessed to have the opportunity to enjoy them. Work your health plan in around those special moments. That's what my skinny friends do. They party-hearty without guilt and then go back to eating normally the next day without obsessing about their food and without looking back. What are you going to eat today? That's what really matters now. I do understand your feelings of failure and frustration because I've been there. And those feelings, if you choose to indulge them too much, will undermine everything you've accomplished so far. Please focus on the positives - how far you've come, the time spent with your precious mom, your sister. Cherish the memories and choose to eat healthy today.
    Cyberhugs, my friend. Don't sink the whole ship because of a small leak that can still be repaired!


  3. Yeah, I wonder why that happens - as Deb said? It seems when I think I've got it made, that's when I screw up. I'm glad you are not punishing yourself for this. I believe that is the difference between long term success and failure. You can do it! And I love your hair in that first picture, btw.

  4. I'm so glad to read something that describes my last couple days. Thank you for the encouragement. It's nice to see others struggle with the same things I do. Tomorrow is a new day though:)


  5. I think the way you chose to put the photos 'out there' is a really good way to deal with today. I hate to look at photos of me ( although truthfully you look a whole lot better than I do) and its looking at ourselves as we really are that fires us up to DO something. Motivating yourself to get on and lose it. Seems like a good approach to me

  6. Great post. Thanks for the pics. I tend to run from the camera. Everyone is always saying they don't have any pics of me. I don't see where that a problem! Thanks for the post on my wall yesterday. All we can do is try.

    The Kroger is on Chenal and is really awesome. They have a huge produce deparment, tons of healthy, organic food and just about anything else you can think of.

    Hang in there, you're doing great.

  7. Thanks everyone! It is so nice to have support from folks that understand!

  8. And the truth shall set you free - always. ;) When we walk in the light of pure awareness, life becomes an amazingly free and marvelous journey. We can love ourselves as we are, as long as we see ourselves as we TRULY are. :) Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving your comments. I look foward to following your journey. you might not have seen it yet but I do have weight to lose as well.... I am just doing it a little different than I ever have in the past. ;) Create a great day today! Janelle


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