I have heard actors, playing actors in a film say, "Okay, what's my motivation?". I think I have to ask the same thing? And ask it from two different angles. First what is my motivation for doing this? And second how do I get the motivation for doing it?
In my thinking that's how it breaks down. Others may see it different but I am trying very hard to bring those two motivations together and help them hook up - kind of like a matchmaker. My motivation for doing all of this healthy life style change is multi-faceted. I want to feel better! My header spells it out - I am tired of being tired. For those of you younger than me let me give you some bad news...if you keep that weight on, when you get in your late 40's you will almost feel handicapped, disabled (DIS-ABLED!!!! like not able to do the things you used to enjoy). I could seriously get one of those motorized buggies at Walmart and not feel guilty. (before I started this - 3 weeks in - I don't need it). So, I want to feel better.
And by gosh I want to look better. It may not be politically correct to say it out loud but I don't really do the pc thing - I don't care - I am saying it. I despise being fat. My ego hurts. I am no spring chick but I know if I was thinner, I would be a lot more attractive - to me. I like thinner. I have to constantly forgive myself for letting it go this far. I never wanted this!
Another reason to be healthier is that my family is starting to produce grandchildren. I want to be young and active for them. I want to play with them and take them to the zoo. Also, I want to travel. You cannot travel well if you cannot walk more than a block without becoming winded. At least not the way I want to travel. Then there is my professional life. In trying to resurrect the professional me I want to look better and present a more active appearance. I know it's not right but I have a strong suspicion that employers really do look at you differently if you are extremely heavy. Whether they do are not, at my current fitness level i do not sleep well because of severe sleep apnea and losing weight will help with that and getting sleep will help me be a better employee. Sharper, quicker and healthier!
Now the disconnect, how do I get myself motivated to do the exercise???? I am doing great on my eating but I do not want to move my body. I do not want to feel the discomfort or expend the energy! I feel so good when I do it and guilty (a little) when i don't, but I am soooooo unmotivated. Lazy even.
I call this having the mental motivation, but lacking the physical follow through. I KNOW I am not alone - know it! I think partly, I just have to keep trying. I also know, having my friends walk with me will help. That accountability is great - so I hope they are ready to challenge me on the days when I am being lazy or apathetic. Also, I know signing up for the 5k will help - going to do that as soon as I go back to work (February 14th hopefully) and get my first paycheck. This will help me focus on the short term goals necessary to reach the long term. I am making a collage too, from magazine clippings. One with lots of motivational pics, phrases, reminders and mantras. This will give me something to look at when I am on the tread of dread (treadmill). I don't want to move it in front of the tv - i hate that. But a big collage of encouragement will help I think.
I am open to ideas, thoughts and what works for any of you! If I don't get this mental game hooked up with this physical game - there is not gonna be a wedding. I just need to figure out - what's my motivation!
(Tomorrow's Post - why I am ending my posts with thanks ya'll)