Out With the Old - In With the New

On getting back on track...

Last week was pretty tough.  I found out on Sunday that one of my very best friends (one of the very few) was leaving her husband after 20+ years of emotional and mental abuse.  I talked with her at length, playing devil's advocate, have you thought about this, have you considered that and on and on, making sure as best I could that she wasn't going into the decision blind.  Having been formerly divorced myself, I try to share my experience with others who are interested, in hopes of someday helping save a marriage...so far it has only worked a couple of times, one of which was my second and current marriage and I was talking to myself.  Moral of the story, people are gonna do what they are gonna do.  But as a true friend I always feel that it is my responsibility to share what I know to be truth - but only if asked. 

So sad to see this happen, but she has tried so hard and that is why I don't think she should feel ashamed to finally throw in the towel.  Abuse is not right and not fair.  Funny how when a woman gets a black eye everyone is outraged but let a man abuse his wife emotionally or mentally and folks raise an eyebrow and question her decision.  Well not me, if even a fraction of what she has told me happened to me - I would knock the man's block off.  He is truly a sick man, not without other redeeming qualities, but a controlling and mentally ill man. 

Anyway - needed to release my frustration on that and now back to the rest of my stressful week.  All that started on Sunday and I started my new job on Monday.  I don't have to tell you how that was...most everyone who has ever started a new job can tell you the first days, weeks and months can be so trying!  I have a lot of detailed technical things to learn.  It is going to take awhile.

Soooooooooooooooooo, the beginning of the week I started strong, determined not to let the happenings of life get me off track.  By Friday though, I was done - I mean I was toast!  Hungry on Friday night and so tired I did not want to cook ... I sent my son to get taco bell and I had three tacos which is only 600 calories and about 3 bucks.  Then the girl scout cookies arrived, I don't even want to know how many samoas I ate.  The rest are going to work tomorrow. 

Okay this is a rambling post but I am about to make my point and then go to bed...I am going to need to build some contingency plans into my overall plan.  Some healthy ways to meet life on its terms - because sometimes it does not bend to my wishes.  It is going to throw me some curve balls and it is going to drain me of resources.  I haven't figured out the answers but I do know the questions and that is good first step. 

I did get back on track on Saturday, until two of my grown daughters dropped by interrupting my work out plan.  In the end, I left them in the house for a little while so I could get in a mile walk around the neighborhood.  Not my original plan but it was a good compromise, especially since I had spent the morning doing a brisk house cleaning. 

The old habits are beginning to seem distant.  The new habits are beginning to feel right and normal.  I just have to keep adjusting a little as I go - its not perfection I desire, but lifelong changes that keep me mentally focused and provide good health and well being for the rest of my life. 

Remind me to tell you about the mustard greens...

That's All - Thanks Ya'll!!!


  1. I have never eaten mustard greens.

    I hope tomorrow is the start of a very successful week!


  2. Hi, I am new to your blog and am enjoying reading it. I look forward to following your progress. I dearly love mustard greens.

  3. I was in the same type of marriage for 15 years and finally got out 7 years ago.

    Not sure why you'd want to play devil's advocate and try to save a marriage when there is abuse. Women in her/our situation need support not a devil's advocate.

  4. Sounds like you let your friend's emotional stress get to you and throw you off track (been there, done that). It's tough. I've been reading a lot about the girl scout cookies, specifically Samoas, and I'm glad that we don't get them here (thank goodness).

    Sad about your friend, but it sounds like she's had 20 years to make this decision and is probably making it after a lot of heartache. So sad. Hope this turns her life around - life is too short.

    Have a great week!

  5. Per Cindy's commented - I explained in a private email. But, for the record, my devil's advocating was only for my friend's benefit to make sure she was sure and it was in the context that she understood was just me giving her a chance to say these things out loud that she had been thinking.

    I don't want her in an abusive relationship. I know this hits a nerve with folks and I am sorry if I offended. I too was in an abusive relationship. This friend was the same with me when I left mine. We have been through it all together....we are very honest and up front with each other.

  6. I agree with your decision to play Devils Advocate. We need our friends to help us make OUR decisions, even when to them, the decision may be perfectly obvious. A true friend is one who helps us to find the right environment to make our own decisions and will be there for us whatever we decide.
    I am divorced, it wasn't abusive as a relationship but infidelity was a serious problem I couldn't accept. It didn't help when friends criticised his behaviour because it felt they were criticising me for loving him. It really sounds to me like you were being a true and unselfish friend
    There is only any point in us making our own decisions as we have to live with the outcomes good and bad that come as a result.


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