Intoxicating Detoxinating

First off - I did not post my food choices from yesterday, partly because they were sporadic and partly because i was tired!  I'm not going back but here is today's menu:

{[Breakfast:  1/2 cup quinoa warmed with just enough vanilla almond milk to saturate - yum!

Lunch:  Flounder (my new favorite fish) pan friend in a tsp of olive oil with dill to season - omg yum!
Leftover Sauteed Squash - Zucchini with a couple of black olives thrown in - not my fav 
Taboli made with quinoa, onion, garlic, cucumber, chopped parsley, small bit of tomato lemon juice and olive oil - just a bit - very yum!

Dinner:  Frito Chili Pie - just kidding - making that for the fam so I will have: Black Beans with pico de gallo over brown rice]} 

Okay, so if you read my blog (all two of you) you know that the first days of the detox were rocky.  Just for myself, I have to say I know all too well how rocky they were.  And, I fully expect to have difficult days again.  However, to be totally honest I must blog about the good the bad and the ugly and here is the ugly truth - I am intoxicated with this new idea of detoxing my body. OMG

Let's see, it was about 5 years ago when I was last able to lose weight.  Some women in my community were losing weight by the buckets and I thought, hmmm, something is up *red flag* - these women are not the usual thin suspects but here they are with their big jugs of water and minus some obvious pounds.  I was about 30-40 pounds over my "ideal weight" according to those little index charts so I thought maybe I should check it out.  Swallowing my pride (because it is big) I asked one of the women about it.  She seemed hesitant, hmmmm - *red flag two* - maybe because it was her "big" secret or maybe because she considered me a friend and friends don't send their friends to see quacks, like Dr. Woody.

You read that right.  Good ol "Dr. Woody"  - seriously that is his name, although the doctor part is real damn iffy!  He prescribes anti-depressants and phentermine *huge red flag - like the big one at the bank* to help women lose weight, along with diet and exercise.  Enter the demon>>>>>>>>>>>>> WEIGHT LOSS DRUGS (creepy music plays in the background).  Was I blind or just stupid?  Both I guess.  Oh my goodness - did I just throw all reason out the window?  I don't even like to take Tylenol and I am putting this crap in my body?  And hey - it worked.  Wow - I was down to 140 pounds in about six months.  180 was in the rear view ( what I wouldn't give for 180 now) and losing the weight was simple, as long as you didn't mind being high all day with cotton mouth and severe fatigue when you came down.  *RED FLAG WITH DUH WRITTEN ON IT* 

Being on an emotional roller coaster is fine as long as you don't have children, or a job, or a husband or a life.  Why don't they just give you meth so you can join the other skinny girls out on the street?  Needless to say, this weight loss idea does not work.  About the time all the crisis in my life hit (and I had gone back to school to finish my degree) I had to stop taking it - I couldn't deal with life and being on prescription crack.  >>>>>>ENTER FOOD AS A DRUG, REPLACEMENT THERAPY (sad tearful music) - It all turned into one big mess.  Life is better now.  Crisis dealt with but the weight I lost came flooding back along with another 50.  I also think the phentermine shaved a few good years off my life and permanently changed my body.  That's just my theory but I have never felt like I had as much energy after taking that stuff.

All that to say, this is the best time I have had since I was on legal crack. Rewind - I did a stint with weight watchers, and it was great, and supportive but for me, it was expensive and the bottom line, I just wasn't ready to commit.  I was trying to ride the fence and do just enough to get by without really changing my life.  Today, I am trying to change my life, one day at a time.  I am not trying to cook all the old stuff in new ways to make it less unhealthy - I am exploring new things like quinoa and brown rice.  New fishes like flounder and new seasonings. I am learning to cook in a whole new way and I know, there is so much more to learn.  Today, knowledge is my crack and weight loss is my speed.  I still have the exercise hurdle to cross but I am going to get there and hopefully - working my body will feel good again. Today, I feel intoxicated with this new life.  I am not high on phentermine, I am not lieing to myself by saying I'm ready to change and going on with the old ways, I am really focused on change and it is sooooo good.