I'm a Thousand Miles From Nowhere

Whew!  You may (or probably not) be wondering where I've been the last three months.  I feel no shame or remorse in saying, I've been living my life instead of writing about it.  I guess I just needed a break.  I'm not sure I will pick up the mantle of writing daily again either.  I don't think anyone will miss me too much because hopefully everyone else is just as busy and really doesn't need one more thing to read on their to-do list. 

However, I know how much I have gleaned from reading about other "losers" weight loss efforts and healthy folks success at staying that way, so I will try to keep a few posts going from time to time.  On the off-hand chance that something that has clicked with me will click with someone out there struggling - I don't want to just fall off the face of the blog world.

We went on 3.39 mile hike today with our puppies.  No big deal for most folks but for me this is epic! Why such a big deal? Well its like this, I'm 50 years old, diabetic, anemic, low thyroid, sleep apnea ridden, high blood pressured and almost 100 pounds over weight and two years ago I couldn't walk around the mall at a slow pace without being in misery from my knees to my back, to my lack of breath - I was a real mess. The most surprising thing to me about this is I used to be thin and fit and dedicated to being thin and fit.  Unfortunately, life threw me some curve balls and instead of handling those with grace and dignity, I let it unravel me. Diminish me. I started a destructive path that I felt powerless to stop.

We came from Conway, Arkansas, selling our home of 17 years, to Memphis, Tennessee two years ago so my husband could change careers,  return to school and finally be happy in his professional life.  The problem was, for me it meant leaving the kids, losing my security and really having to search deep for the unselfish, loving person who could freely give my partner the freedom to follow his dreams no matter what I felt they cost me. (Side note: this was only a small part of the many things that were going on in my retreat from the world of positive thinkers). 

When we arrived in Memphis though, I had my own agenda.  I was going to get fit, lose some weight and take charge of my life again.  And you guessed it - I did all that! 

 

 

 

I still have a ways to go on the weight but it is getting better!  I have lost almost 30 pounds in two years. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The second photo was about a year ago. For me, it mostly about being healthy but I have to admit, I'm excited about getting back to normal weight and not being embarrassed by my appearance.  I don't do the fat girl image very well.  I feel like as an overweight woman everyone sees my failures in life in every roll and sees my insecurities in every pound. Not pleasant.

 

So today, on the trail surrounded by the very lush forest, I felt so happy and at peace. I guess I must have an internal play list that rolls when I am out for a walk because I often have song lyrics running through my mind.  Today it was Dwight Yokham's, I'm a thousand miles from nowhere, time don't matter to me, I'm a thousand miles from nowhere and there's no place I'd rather be.  It was so true.  I wasn't in pain, I wasn't hurting, my body was humming along - working for me and not against me. I eased into a gentle, slow jog and a miracle happened, I found my stride.  My easy joggers stride that I haven't had the strength to enjoy in so long.  I was elated.  The other song that played in my head... Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride, nobody's gonna slow me down.

 

I am proof positive that it is never, I say it is NEVER,  too late to take back control of your life.  I have worked my butt off, literally and figuratively, to get back where I am today. I have walked two 5Ks in a year's time, something I really enjoy doing and find it keeps me setting goals.  I am thinking about a half marathon in the next year or two. My husband of 26 years is out there with me, his payment for dragging me kicking and screaming away from my home. Something he does willingly, knowing it is good for both of us. We are eating healthy and more for nourishment than entertainment. I am in this for life, not just to reach a goal, this is me and I don't want to ever go back to the other girl. 

 

Two years ago, I really was a thousand miles from nowhere, I had no direction, no confidence, so if I seem cocky, full of myself and proud today it is because I am finally on a path.  I'm solid.  My thoughts and actions are aligned and moving forward. So forgive me if I flex my muscles a little and  then flex my artistic license, I'm a thousand miles from SOMEWHERE, and there is no place I'd rather be.